January 31, 2014
12:00 a.m.

Happy Friday!

Well, we just spent about an hour with no electricity. It's rather chilly in here now. And since it is snowing like mad outside, I think we can expect to lose power again. So I think I'll make this short.

There's a storm out there, people. Please be careful when you hit the road in the morning.

I will not be surprised if there's no school tomorrow. There's already a lot of snow on the ground.

Just having a great time watching the recording of "King of the Nerds". (Did I mention we watch some crazy shows around here?) If anyone has ever seen the movie "Revenge of the Nerds", you should know that two of the stars are the hosts of this show: Robert Carradine and Curtis Armstrong.  It's all pretty funny. Any show where contestants fly on brooms is worth a look. Check them out on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KingOfTheNerdsTBS

Anyway, I'm out of here, I don't want to risk my computer having a sudden shutdown twice in one night!

Good night!

January 30, 2014
6:03 p.m.

This evening I would like to give a big "thumbs-up" to a young lady named Nicolle Cruz. I don't personally know Nicolle, but I do know that she is an amazing, loving and giving woman who was willing to undergo a painful procedure to donate a kidney to her friend and mine, Tim Seeley.

I know a lot of people, myself included, who have made the decision to donate organs when we pass away. We will never know the people we might help, and none of us will be required to go through surgery and recovery in order to give that help. I am not in away trying to diminish organ donations from those who have passed--it is a wonderful thing to do. Living donations, on the other hand, require the donor to go through an operation and the recovery that requires, and those who are willing to do such a noble thing should be honored for doing so.

And so, Nicolle, I honor you. Because of you, Tim will go on to touch many lives with his many talents--writing, cooking, working and just being with and loving his family. As his friend, I am very thankful for that. May God bless you, Nicolle Cruz, and let you become a loving light to those who may choose to follow in your footsteps.

I am praying for your speedy recovery, and for yours, too, Tim Seeley.

God bless you!

January 30, 2014
12:02 a.m.

Thought I was done, didn't you?

I saw this on my feed and thought I'd share it, because I have found that people who know what it's like to do without often become the best advocates for the poor.

http://blog.patrickrothfuss.com/2014/01/concerning-cake-bilbo-baggins-and-charity

I guess you'd have to copy and paste to get to it, but believe me, it's worth taking a minute to check it out.

Just tried it, it works.


I'm thinking good thoughts and sending out a prayer for Tim and his wonderful donor. He came through surgery well--they both did--and I'm so excited for him. It's literally a chance for a new life.

People can sometimes be so amazing. I do wish that we would hear more about the amazing ones and less about those seeking their fifteen minutes of fame by doing something horrible.

I really am done for the night, now. Honest.

Good night.

January 29, 2014
8:57 p.m.

We watch some crazy stuff around here. Tonight it's "Opposite Worlds". Having recently read the "Hunger Games" series, I'm wondering how long it will be before we start killing each other off for entertainment. It's not that much of a stretch.

Personally, I'm not very invested in these kids of shows. I have never seen an episode of "Survivor". But the kids like it, so I pay minimal attention as they watch.

Oh, good, now it's time for "Psych". This one I'll pay a little more attention to.

Yup, and now we're watching Michael J. Fox. I should probably be trying to do something productive!

I'm done watching stuff now, I think. I have been avoiding adding up the bills and figuring out the drug program for my insurance. Why can't I make a choice one time and have it just continue til I die? For that matter, why can't I just pay the bills once and have that take care of everything til I die.

That is so not going to happen. Darn it.

Anyway, it's pretty much the end of the month, so once again, it's assemble the bills and figure out how pathetic the food budget will be for next month.

I really hate that my life has come to this, and that's why I have worked so hard in the past couple of years. I don't actually have to go back to work. My disabilities are not going to go away or get better, so I can continue as I've been doing. But I want to go back to work, because I feel like I'm too young to be retired.
My studies went well, I graduated with honors, I got that certification--no mean feat, the test was challenging--and now all I can do is apply, send out resumes and hope. And it would be nice to have a couple of bucks left at the end of the month.

I'm not really complaining, because I've been in worse situations. The winter after I had my first car accident and had to have back surgery--horrible. I had four kids to feed and no income at all. What a nightmare.

So I'm not in a horrible situation, things will be fine, but I do want to be able to get a job and put something away for when I really should retire. And hopefully a little something to leave for my kids and grand kids. It won't be millions of dollars--wouldn't that be nice--but a little something, at least.

Anyway, don't need much, I am a very blessed woman. I have children and grandchildren, parents and siblings and even a couple of friends, and that is the best form of wealth there is.

In the meantime, I think I really need to invest a little in some more supplies and make enough jewelry to hit the flea market this summer, just in case I don't have a job by then. Whatever I don't sell always makes good Christmas presents!

That's enough out of me for now, I think.

Good night!

January 28, 2014
11:40 p.m.

Watching my DVR recording of "Supernatural". Any Garth episode is a fun episode.
http://buddytv.us/1hLd3Nv

January has been kind of a long month. I got home from Wyoming on New Year's Eve and promptly caught the flu, so I've spent a lot of time sick. Ugh!

I went to see my councilor at Vocational Rehabilitation this month. She made me an appointment with a place that helps women "dress for success" by matching them with donated clothing. I still need to reschedule my appointment with them, because I was too sick to go.

Honestly, I thought I might need clothes for a job interview by now--well, I hoped--but no one has called to inquire about my brilliant resume and newly won job skills and certification. At any rate, both of my brothers gave me gift cards for Christmas, so I have bought a couple of things that would probably be just fine for an interview--unless I have to wear a power suit, which is so not me.

Anyway, I think I will call my councilor tomorrow and see if it's okay to just use my new X-mas clothes for interviews, if I ever get one. There's no need to spend money on me or give me clothes that someone else possibly needs more than I do.

Now, on that note, I have to come clean and admit that going to that appointment was hard. It was hard to make myself leave the house.

I should be going back to school every Thursday, too, to keep up my skills and learn new things, maybe hopefully start getting a line on the ICD-10 upgrades that I'm going to need to learn soon in order to be marketable. But I don't seem to want to leave this house.

Oh, I've been out with Sam and Valerie, but I don't think I've gone anywhere alone since I got back from Wyoming. Maybe a walk or two, but not far.

I've got to buck up and go somewhere in the next few days. If the weather is ugly Thursday, I'm not going to go to school. I don't need to get sick again. But I need to make myself get out and go somewhere, alone, as soon as possible. The longer I go with only a walk to the mail box, the harder it's going to be. I'm watching the weather, and at the very least I'll take the bus to the library this week.

Have to do it. It's far too easy to fall into the "shut-in" mode.

It scares me, you know. I want to get a job. I've been out of the working world for a long time now, and it gets boring and lonely. But what happens if I get a job and have to fight myself out the door everyday? I've got to beat this reluctance to go out. I don't know where it's coming from, but it's gone on for awhile now, and just when I think I'm better--BAM! It hits me again.
 
And it's not that I'm afraid of anything. Once I do go out, I'm fine. I talk to people, I take care of my errands, I don't freak out. It's just this...reluctance to leave. I don't know, maybe I'm losing it.

Okay, enough with the crazy lady stuff.

Tonight I want to end this with a prayer and lots of positive energy going out for my friend, Tim Seeley, who will be having a kidney transplant tomorrow. May God bless you, Tim, and your family, and keep you safe and well through this life-transforming adventure. May he also bless and keep the generous friend who is donating a kidney so that you can continue to be in her life. This world is full of wonderful people, and knowing you and your situation is a wonderful reminder of that.

Good night.

January 28, 2014
12:12 a.m.


I am an avid reader. I love to read. I started reading on my own at about the age of three, because I loved curling up with my mother to read a story, but sometimes she tried skipping over things or changing the words. Unacceptable. So I started reading to her. I'm sure it started out as memorization, and I do remember looking at pictures and making up my own stories, but I'd been reading on my own for quite a long time before I started school.

Once I did start school, I was a bit ahead of classmates, and it got me into trouble because I'd finish my work and then want to chat up whoever was sitting nearby. I got moved around a lot, but there wasn't anyone I wouldn't talk to. Finally the teachers wised up and sent me off to the school library when I finished my work so the other students could finish theirs.

The school library was great, and of course the librarian was my buddy. The first book I checked out from there was "Old Yeller." The librarian asked my teacher first, because it should have been a few years above a first grader's reading level, but the teacher told her I'd have no problem with it.

Well, I had no problem with the reading, but--oh my God--I sure had a problem with the story. That was the first book I'd ever read that made me cry. I'm not talking a couple of tears and a sniffle or two, either. I mean heaving sobs and a desire to quit before reading the end. Lord, lord, my poor mother. She sat with me so we could read to the end, and later she complained to my father about the serious lack of judgement on the part of my teacher and the librarian in giving me such a tough book to read.

Well, that scared me. What if she went to my school and said something? Would I be banned from the library? Would I have to stay in the classroom and sit at the teacher's desk reading the so-called adventures of Dick, Jane and Sally? Heaven forbid!

"Please don't say anything, Mama," I begged. "I'll try to choose happier books from now on!"

Of course, my mother would never deny me my reading rights. She promised not to raise a fuss and assured me that this would not be the last time I read a story that would bring me to tears, so I'd better get used to it. My father just chuckled and said, "That's great advise; how's that working for you, Mama?"

Not long afterward, I discovered the Public Library.

As members of the Catholic Church, I'd been enrolled in weekly Catechism classes. After school, a few of my classmates and I would walk from our school to the building where those classes took place. We'd study our lessens with the Sisters for an hour and then walk home.

On one fall afternoon one of my classmates told me she had to return a library book before walking home and asked if I'd like to go with her. I asked why she hadn't done it before we left school, and she informed me that it hadn't come from the school library, it had come from the real library.

Well, I certainly wasn't going to pass up a chance to go to a real library, so after class we walked to the corner,  crossed the street and marched up the stairs of the first real library I'd ever been in.

Oh, it was heaven! Books everywhere, shelves and shelves of them! We'd entered the upstairs level, which was adult books, and my friend led me to the staircase that took us down to the Children's Library. The walls were covered with brightly covered posters, and again there were shelves and shelves of books. Only these shelves were shorter, more accessible to the little people who wanted to reach them.

I was ecstatic. My friend returned her book, quickly chose another and checked it out. I wandered here and there, drinking everything in.  My friend told me she had to leave, and I told her I'd see her later, and just kept looking, pulling out a book here, and a book there. I'd only been allowed to check out one book at a time at school, and if it was the same here, I wanted to be sure I got something good.

The librarian came over and remarked that she didn't remember seeing me there before.

No, I agreed, this was my first time.

She told me I would have to get a library card in order to check out any books.

I had a little change in my pocket and fearfully asked how much it would cost.

She looked surprised and then laughed merrily. "It doesn't cost a thing!" She explained that the only time I would have to pay for anything at the library was if I returned my books late. Then I'd have to pay a "fine". And if I lost or destroyed a book, of course I would have to pay to replace it. "But I have a feeling you're very responsible, aren't you?"

I assured her that I was. I wasn't sure my mother would agree, but anything to get those books. With the librarian's help I filled out a form and was issued my library card. I'd never felt so grown up! Then she informed me that I could check out two books and could have two weeks to read them before they had to be returned. I chose "Bambi" and "Peter Pan". Not the Disney versions, but the actual books. I checked them out and signed my name on the cards. She stamped the return dates on the cards on the inside front covers, and I skipped up the stairs holding my treasures and headed for home.

About halfway there I looked up and saw my mother marching toward me. She was scared to death--and mad as hell as a result--but I was so happy I completely missed the look on her face. "Mama, Mama, look!"
I yelled, racing to meet her. "I went to the real library, and got my own library card, and look, look! I got to take out two books, Mom, and I'll read them to Melanie and--what?" It had finally occurred to me that she was giving me a very strange look.

"I've been looking for you for an hour," she growled through gritted teeth.

"But--but I--an hour?" Wow. That went fast. "Mama, I'm sorry, I--"

"Never mind." My mother took my books, hugged me, then shook me a little. "Don't you ever scare me like that again!" She thrust my books back into my arms and we headed home. She was quiet for a few minutes, then asked me to tell her all about the library. I understood that I wasn't going to get into trouble--this time-- and made sure in the future to always remind her that I'd be going to the library after Catechism class. It became a ritual that lasted through all my school years.

As a child I knew that I had scared my mother badly that day--my father, too, as it turned out--but until I became a parent, I never fully understood the depth of that fear. So tonight I'd like to say: I really am sorry I scared you, Mom and Dad.

The magic of the library still lives in me today. I can easily enter and spend and hour or so just searching to find the perfect story to live in for the next couple of days. And I can honestly say that there were times in my life when books have literally saved me. But stories of those times will have to wait for another day.

For now, I think I'll crawl in bed with my latest story--I've only got a few pages before the series ends--and hope that later sleep may find me for a while.

Good night.

Ah, crap, the world has gone crazy.

News story this morning: Sixteen year old sets himself on fire in school cafeteria. http://kdvr.com/2014/01/27/fire-causes-evacuation-closure-of-standley-lake-high-school/

Why would someone do something like this? What goes through the minds of these kids who want to kill themselves and/or others?

It's easy to blame violence in movies, t.v and video games, but things like this have been happening for decades, long before video games, long before television, long before movies. If you read the Bible, you see numerous stories of suicide, torture and murder. The same is true of any historical record.

If there might be blame to assign for those who commit school shootings, mall shootings, suicide pacts, etc., perhaps some of that blame might go to mass media outlets. Those who crave their fifteen minutes of fame will certainly get more coverage by doing something bad than they will for, say, helping their neighbor shovel snow. Which is a damn shame.

Why is it that bad news sells and good news is pushed to the background? What is it about human beings, that we crave to "see the blood"? We're a messed up species!

I have no plans to kill myself or anyone else, but the fact is that one of these days, I will die. When I do, if I discover that reincarnation is a reality, I promise to request coming back as a dog. Today I'm kind of ashamed to be a member of the human race.

Because, damn me, that was the first news story I read today!

I'm gonna go look for a good deed story....


January 28, 2014
12:08 a.m.

Feeling bad about my last post. I ranted a bit about what the world is coming to and never once mentioned that I feel really bad for the young man who set himself on fire, and that I hope he can recover from his injuries.

As a parent, I wonder what the last several hours have been like for the family. Surely there are feelings of guilt, wondering how they might have missed the signs that something was wrong enough to lead to this. I feel very sorry for all concerned right now. I pray that they all make it through this horror.

And of course, I still wonder what this old world is coming to.