February 28, 2014
1:47 a.m.

It seems I am not sleeping tonight. I'm tired, but I don't feel sleepy at all.

Some days are all about reading. I often revisit books, and this week I've revisited The Talisman and Black House by Stephen King and Peter Straub. They make quite a team. Jack Sawyer is one of my favorite characters. It's always great when a writer will go back to a character who, in the original book, was a child, and tell us what happened to them when they grew up.

Recently Stephen King did the same thing with a character many of us wondered about for years: Danny Torrence. He was a very young child when last we saw him in The Shining. Finally, in 2013, we got to see where Dan ended up as an adult in Dr. Sleep.

I'm not always a fan of sequels, but these are some books I highly recommend.

Now, The Dark Tower series is without a doubt my favorite work by Stephen King. I wouldn't call the books sequels, however; the seven editions are really one long book. Actually, there are eight books in the series. It seems the esteemed Mr. King had as hard a time letting go as I did, and he wrote an "in between" story into the series. And the "tower" theme shows up in many of his other works. Those of us who have read the series recognize the references, while those who have not never know they've missed anything.

Stephen King is something of a genius, I think. I'm always revisiting something of his while waiting for whatever he's got coming out next.

This is not to say that I don't read other writers. I read plenty of other writers. Just not this week.

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Tonight has been more of a movie night for me. I'm a Disney kid, you know. Some people just refuse to grow up, and why should I? I love animation, I love music, and I'm always happy to sing along to a Disney song.

"Frozen" is out on DVD, and is well worth a look. It's a good story with a couple of unexpected twists, and I'll be humming the songs all week.

You might as well just buy it, because if you haven't seen it at theaters and just go rent it, you'll end up buying it anyway, once you do watch. Besides, you know you have a Disney collection. Doesn't everyone?

I know collectors who started with VHS tapes. Then they started over with DVDs, and started once again with Blu-Rays. I have a haphazard collection--I could never afford to start from scratch, or to collect every Disney movie. But collections are cool. If I could afford it, you know I'd have stacks and stacks of All my favorite old Disney flicks!

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Okay, I've been linking tiny chain for earrings long enough tonight, I guess, and it's time to hit the hay and hope for a few hours of noddy-blinky.

Good night. Sleep tight! (Hopefully)

February 26, 2014
11:25 a.m.

Phone interview completed. I don't know how to feel about it. I think it went well enough, but what do I know?

So...

Part One: Test    My scores, according to company, were very good. Check.
     
Part Two: Phone Interview    Lots of questions about my past employment. What did I do, how much was I paid, why did I leave? What did I love about my jobs, what did I not love? What are my strengths and weaknesses? What are my ideal work hours? What's my perfect work day? How much do I expect to be paid?

(I hate that question. How do I know what they consider a fair wage? How do I even know what I consider a fair wage? Should I just double minimum wage and add a dollar? Add five dollars? What's the protocol?)

(As for ideal work hours, if I had my way, I'd work nine to five--as in nine p.m. to 5 a.m. But that's not likely to happen! Ha ha! I am more than willing to work any hours.)

I was asked if the commute was a problem for me and I emphatically replied, "Not at all." It's a long commute, but not at all hard. Only one bus transfer, practically drops me off at their doorstep. Awesome.

I did mention that I had often asked myself why I hadn't continued as a coder a long time ago.

Anyway, there's still a step three. A team reviews what information they now have and decided if they want me to come in for a face to face interview. I should hear something in about a week.

Wow. Whew. Hurry up and wait. Check.

Did I mention that my hopes are up? How dumb am I?

You know, I hate talking about my disability status. It has to come up at some point in an interview process, but it's a sore point with me. (What have I been doing for the last four years? Oh, nothing, just hanging around.)

You say you left your last job in 2010. Have you been actively seeking employment since then? Actually, I'm on Social Security Disability. I was very sick. After I was well enough, I pursued my certification.

Dang. It makes me sound weak. It makes me feel weak.

I've been up front about it, and today I did say that I hoped that it wouldn't be counted against me. I was assured that it would not, as long as I was able to perform the duties of the job, which I can. Prolonged sitting and computer use, light lifting. Yep, I can totally do that.

Please don't interpret the above as me saying that being disabled is a weakness, or that I think disabled people are weak. Certainly, that is not the case. I am only talking about how I feel. I feel like my body let me down.

Being as sick as I was, and now being unable to return to a profession that I loved has made me feel vulnerable in ways that I cannot adequately explain, not even to myself. How can I explain the trepidation I feel when confronted with places with mold infestations? You can't see those things, generally speaking, but my body responds to those places quickly and unpleasantly. I will never again be able to set foot in a nail salon. I steam clean and hot water scrub because Pine-Sol has the power to put me in the hospital.

Once upon a time I continued working in a Paula-hostile environment long beyond what I should have, because I'm a strong person, damn it, and this was not going to beat me! Well, not only did it beat me, it left me unable to recover completely. But as long as I can be in a Paula-friendly environment, I know that I can be employable once again. Whatever disabilities I have are part of my package now, but I can work with them rather than letting them work against me.

Well, all I can do is wait and hope, so that's what I'll be doing.

Have a great day. Until we meet again...

February 25, 2014
2:49 p.m.

It's snowing!

Well, it's trying to snow, anyway. Little flakes are fluttering; the sky is slate-grey and it's dark. Ugh. I know it's still winter, but I'm over it. Ready for spring!

Last week I took a test as step one of a job interview process. Tomorrow I have a phone interview with them as step two. I'm afraid to get my hopes up, but you know how it is: our hopes rise even when we tell them not to! I was told that my test score was very good, so that's a good sign.

Hum dee dum, it all makes me so nervous.

I'm afraid to mention any company names, but I will say this: when I decided I wanted to go into Medical Coding, this is the company I had in mind. It's a great company, a great place to work, and I'd be proud and happy to be there.

No wonder I'm nervous and my hopes are up!

For now, I will close the subject.

Today, I'm thinking about family history. I really admire people who are willing and able to devote themselves to the research involved in tracing their histories. My father's sister, my Aunt Bea, spent a great deal of time doing the Shablo family history in the United States. I read her book while visiting my parents in December, and added my own chapter recently. I was very gratified when she told me that she didn't have to do any editing to my writing!

Our family is planning a reunion in August in Trinidad, CO, and I am hoping that I'll be able to go. I love the area, and it will be nice to see everyone.

I have been blessed with a big, healthy family. My father and all his siblings are living, and my mother has lost only one of her siblings. So in my lifetime I have lost great-grandparents and grandparents, one aunt and two uncles-by-marriage. For a 50+ person, that is amazing. How blessed I am!! Thank you, God! Thank you very much!

Anyway, I have been trying to come up with a family tree design. My mother did a design on t-shirts for her side of the family several years ago, and that might be a good place to start. The family is big, my friends. Big!

I designed personalized calendars for Christmas presents (for 2014) so I have a good start on family members, but--wow. Maybe I'm crazy! But I think I'll give it a shot, anyway. A little research will not kill me! This could be fun!

In the meantime, I have some chores to do. Lucky me. So I'll write more later.

Ta ta!

February 23, 2014
11:44 p.m.

No visit from grandchildren today, which makes me kind of sad. I know the kids can't make it down every week, but I sure love it when they do.

Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I have seven grandchildren. There are times when I expect to wake up and discover that it has all been a dream, and I am still busy raising small children of my own. That's how quickly time seems to have passed, at least in regards to the growth of my children and grandchildren.

Time is such a strange thing. During those times when things are difficult, it passes slowly. When we are happiest, it zooms by.

Yet when we look back on all the things we've been through, its fluidity does indeed seem to have moved quite rapidly. Wasn't it just yesterday that I held my youngest child to breast? Yet, nearly a year ago I witnessed her giving birth to her third child. How could this be possible?

Last night as I lay in bed not sleeping, it occurred to me that in my lifetime I have lived several different lives. My first life was as a the daughter of my parents, Paul and Joyce, and sister of my siblings, Melanie, Donna, Rick and Frank. In that household I often hid away, but as I grew up, I realized that I had quite in incredible family. It wasn't always perfect, but what is?

Growing up, I was a student, an artist, a writer and a musician. I spent a couple of years playing drums in a rock band with Tom, Ramon and Mark. I worked part-time at the Riviera Theater and at Chicken Time. I dreamed of things that included school, travel, music and writing. I wanted to be a parent, but had no interest in marriage.

During the latter years of that life, I met a man and fell in love. So much for the lack of interest in marriage-- although I did still consider just having a baby and letting the relationship go. But I was scared to do that. This was during a time when single parenthood was frowned upon.

I got married after High School graduation. This was the beginning of my next life, the life of wife to X and mother to Samson, Katie, Sarah and Tabitha. I loved being a mother--I still do--but I did not love being married. Probably that was due to the fact that my husband didn't care to act like a married man. Thirteen years I lived with him--the first six were trying, and the remaining seven were hell on earth. But I had my kids and they kept me from going off the deep end.

Thirteen years is a LONG time when you're unhappy. I wanted a marriage like my parents', one where there is friendship, companionship and most importantly, trust. There's nothing worse than knowing that you're being cheated on. I wanted out, but I was too scared to leave. How would I support four children on my own?

After all my children were in school, I started working outside the home for the first time in years. It was a bit of a revelation. Suddenly I was being told what a good worker I was, and how smart I was. X had spent the last several years convincing me I was unattractive, lazy and stupid.

I'm not lazy or stupid. I knew that then, and yet...Okay, he never told me I was stupid, but whatever was going on, if I offered advice or an opinion, he ignored it, but if someone else said the same thing, then it was brilliant. I started feeling worthless and unattractive, and it just got worse as time went on.

So being in public every day, being asked for help, sought out for opinions and told that I was doing a good job--it built me up again. I began to gain the strength I needed to get out of Dodge before the shoot-out.

Thus began life number three: single mother working one full time and two--sometimes three--part time jobs. This time seemed to go by faster. I was very busy, I was happier. I had fallen in love again. For a while this all worked out okay.

In retrospect, I would never have married again, or even had a boyfriend, until my kids were grown and gone. Although their father managed to spend as little time as possible with them--less and less as time went by, until it was no time at all--they weren't ready to have anyone else in their lives trying to fill that place, and honestly, he didn't do a very good job of it.

Truthfully, I was ripe for the attentions of a man who would flatter me and treat me sweetly, but still use me. After being treated badly, I was the perfect patsy. I just ended up with a fifth child, that's all. I worked, he stayed home. He didn't pay any attention to what nonsense the kids were up to while I was working, and mostly left them alone while he goofed off all day. He spent more money than I made and got me into some serious debt. Was someone in this relationship lazy and worthless? Yep. But it wasn't me.

After eight years, I was done. And to make sure I stayed done, I took a job offer in Denver and moved away.

During those years of life number three my children had grown up. I had become a grandmother for the first time, and two of my daughters had gone to Oklahoma with their new families. My son had gone away to college. It was just my middle child and I, and Denver became the site of a new beginning for us.

Life four was single, middle-aged small-town girl transplanted into the city. For the next several years I worked as a coding assistant, a Surgery Scheduler and an Optician. More grandchildren came along. I went to school and earned a Bachelors Degree I will never use: Animation. I learned a lot of things I use for my own amusement, but I'll never get a job in animation.

Then I got sick. Very sick. I had to quit my job. It took a long time to get well, but once I was somewhat better I had to admit that I was never going to work as an Optician again, regardless of the fact that I always loved it. I finally took the advice of my doctors and applied for Disability, then cried when I got it without so much as a tussle. Everyone I have ever known who applied for disability from Social Security has had to get a lawyer and duke it out. Not me. My medical record speaks for itself.

Sigh.

Life five has been me at home, bored and lonely. I went to Vocational Rehabilitation to try to get re-training so I could learn something new that I will be physically able to work at. I've worked very hard and gotten my certification in Medical Billing and Coding. Now I am going through the employment searches, interviews, tests and rejections. I'm at turns hopeful and terrified.

I'm hoping life six will be employed granny lady. I enjoy working. It would be nice to get out of the house. The hardest part for me will be going to sleep at a decent hour and becoming a "day person". At least, as much as I ever can be. I've done it before, I can do it again.

Speaking of getting to bed at a decent hour, I should probably wander off to bed now. Good night!

February 21, 2014
9:12 p.m.

I have not been a faithful blogger. Shame on me!

But...I'm back!

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not an adventurous eater. Getting me to try new things is like pulling teeth. But lately I have tried a couple of dishes from a place called Pho's here in Federal Heights, and I have to say that I have been pleased.

That being said, I am probably done trying new things for a little while. Whether or not I like something, I have to give my stomach a chance to decide if it's going to accept new things. It may well be that my stomach is even fussier than I am.

So now I'll be playing the wait and see game.

In the meantime, I would like to vent a little about the job hunting.

A few days ago I wrote about the disappointment of not being offered a job. It was all the more disappointing because I had a terrific interview and was well-recommended. It was just too far away. I'm not scared of a long commute, but I can understand their point of view. What if the commute time, transfers, etc. made me late a lot? It's no good for them. I get that.

It's still disappointing.

That was Monday. On Tuesday I got an e-mail from another place I'd applied to, which politely informed me that at this time they are going forward with other candidates. But I should feel free to apply for other positions in the future.

Strike two.

On Wednesday I got a call from still another company--one I would very much like to work for--inviting me to take a test as part one of their interview process.

I took the two-hour test yesterday. I feel that I did well on part one.

Now I'm playing the waiting game. Ugh. Waiting is the worst part.

I swore I wasn't going to write or talk about this. I'm afraid of jinxing myself. But sometimes it's nice to put it out there and ask if my friends might send out some prayers or good vibes for me. So that's what I'm doing now. Please, friends and family, say a little prayer for me.
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It's so funny how, when you're looking for something, you manage to find something else that you'd searched high and low for before. That's true of all but those things that you've put in a "safe place". Those things may well be safe, but you're never going to see them again!

I found something yesterday that I looked for a couple months ago. It's something that my daughter left here, and I insisted to her that she must have taken it home with her, because it wasn't where I would have ordinarily stashed it away. So today I had to admit to her that I was wrong. I found it in a weird place, but it was here, just as she'd said.

I hate admitting that I was wrong. Dang it!

Ha ha ha!

I don't care, it's been found and now I know where it is. So all's well that ends well.

On that note, I will say good night.

February 18, 2014
11:17 p.m.

Cancer sucks.

I just found out that a childhood friend, Glorianne Williams Reyes, has died of pancreatic cancer. Gloria was a wonderful, sweet, loving woman who should have been able to stay in this world longer, because the world needs people like her around to set a good example for the rest of us.

I first met Gloria when we were just little grade school girls. She was a grade behind me, so we would talk during recess or at the bus stop.  She didn't live far from my house, so I sometimes also saw her during the summer.

As I have previously revealed, I was a bit of a loner hiding out in the basement storeroom reading and writing and in general avoiding the human race. But once in awhile my sister Melanie would coax me out for a bike ride and we would head over to the Island Park. To get there we would have to pass Gloria's house and if she was out we'd stop and chat with her. She was always so nice and friendly.

After I grew up and got married I didn't see her often, but when I did it was like no time at all had passed. She was one of those people who was always easy to talk to.

I just want to say that Gloria will be greatly missed, and offer my condolences to her family. I would also like to share this information: donations in her memory will be accepted at Gloria Ann Reyes Memorial Fund, c/o Trona Valley Federal Credit Union, 85 Gateway Blvd or 2640 Foothill Blvd. Rock Springs, Wyoming 82901 or 840 Hitching Post, Green River, Wyoming 82935.

I also want to repeat my opening statement: cancer sucks!

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You probably know that pancreatic cancer claimed the lives of actors Patrick Swayze and Michael Landon. It also claimed the life of my beloved uncle, Joseph Ferraro. Now it has taken my dear friend.

Pancreatic cancer is one of the most virulent cancers, with a really low cure rate, largely because it is such a sneak. There are no early warning signs. By the time symptoms manifest, it's already got a good start at kicking butt. Unless it is caught in the early stages, it is extremely difficult to cure. In short, it's damned scary:

 Because pancreatic cancer is usually diagnosed late into its development, the five-year survival rate after diagnosis is less than 5%. (http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/info/pancreatic-cancer/)

There's information out there for signs, symptoms and treatment options. I don't want to scare anyone, I just want us all to be as informed as we can be.

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Tonight my thoughts are with Gloria's family. Heaven is really lucky to have her now.

Good night.

February 17, 2014
2:59 p.m.

Monday, Monday.

Last time I wrote, I said I wasn't holding my breath, but I guess I was, a little. I got up this morning and kept putting off jumping in the shower, hoping I'd get a phone call. Finally, I decided if I didn't get in the shower, no one would ever call.

You know the phone always rings when you're covered with soap. So I took the call dripping wet and soapy, half in and half out of the shower. Which wouldn't have been so bad, if I'd gotten hired. But I didn't.

Now, I nailed that interview. I was told that right up front. And I did leave the interview feeling pretty good about how it had played out. The person I spoke to this morning told me she'd recommended me highly, but they were all concerned with my commute (bus + train + another train + another bus, then reverse that to get home = about four hours a day)

It's a temporary position, so that sort of commute is doable for me. Shoot, I did it for four years when I worked in Boulder as an Optician. But it's nice that someone was concerned about that, I guess. What makes me sad is being told that I rocked the interview and then losing out because I live too far away.

So, I'm sad. But I'll be okay. It's not like I have no income and will have to live on the street.

4:20 p.m.

I called my friend Tim Seeley today and we had a very nice conversation. I haven't seen him in years, and being able to talk to old friends is a wonderful thing. I am just so grateful that he'll be around for a long time now that things have gone so well with him. The world is a better place with guys like him around.

It's crazy to think that Tim is someone I've known since I was six years old. How lucky are we people who have managed to reconnect with people we've know for over 40 years? Right now I'm making use of Google Plus, but I have to give kudos to Facebook right here and now, because the connections and re-connections I've made in the past few years are all due that.

Unfortunately, it also got me addicted to Farmville! Hahaha!

I guess I may as well mention that I checked the mail twice today before realizing it's Presidents' Day and the mailman has the day off!

Well, I'm off to design a pair of earrings to go with the necklace I just finished, and then I must go to the pharmacy and pick up a refill.

Aren't Mondays exciting?

Ta ta!