March 15, 2015
12:54 a.m.

First of all, a Happy Birthday shout out to my dear friend who is like a daughter to me. Megan, Happy Birthday!

I can't believe another year has gone by. What happened to that little girl I met not so long ago? And now you have more kids than I do! Jeepers! 

Anyway, Megan, you have a great day! You deserve it! 

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All these birthdays have reminded me that time goes by way too fast. I wish it would slow down! I'd like more time to enjoy my grandchildren as children, you know? It's too late for my kids--they're OLD! Ha ha!

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Here's what I mean. Forty years goes by fast! Ugh!

 Age 14

 Age 54

Wow. What happened?

I just read an article about a photographer who has taken a picture of his wife and her sisters every year for the past forty years. That's pretty amazing. I wish I had a picture of my siblings and I for every year that's passed since 1975. I don't think I even have pictures of myself for every one of those years. 

How about if you readers would share some photos with me, one from 1975, and one from 2015? Here, or on Facebook. That would be fun for me. How about it? 

Naturally, if you are too young, share a photo of you that spans at least ten years. Come on, everyone, just do it. It'll be fun. 

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Okay, I'm done. 

Good night!

March 11, 2015
11:18 p.m.

There are days when I--like everyone else, I'm sure--feel overwhelmed and blue. Days when I'm sure that no matter what I do, things will never change. Days when I wonder why I even bother.

On days like this, I try to remind myself of all my many blessings, and usually I can talk myself into a better mood.

Today isn't one of those days, largely because although I am able to count my own blessings, I am feeling badly for those who have not been so blessed.

Let me just say this: Cancer sucks! No one deserves to go through the pain and suffering of such a horrible illness. Within the last few years I have lost two uncles to cancer. These were men I grew up with, men I loved. They left behind wives, children and grandchildren.

Within the last few months, two cousins have been diagnosed with brain tumors. One cousin is on the paternal side of my family, the other on the maternal side. One is a four-year-old girl, the other a young man of twenty-four. They have never met. They are both undergoing treatment in California at this time. They both have families who are scared.

Just thinking about what they are going through, I feel pretty ashamed of myself for griping about what it might cost me to fix my roof. I can't even imagine the monetary costs of what these families are going through, let alone the emotional roller coasters they must be on.

I also have a cousin who is having a terrible time with fibromyalgia. She's been unable to find steady employment and has had recurring issues with her ex regarding custody and care of their daughter.

These three cousins of mine have turned to a web based application called GoFundMe. If you possibly can, please visit their pages. If not, please send out positive vibes, prayers, etc. Thank you!

http://www.gofundme.com/BreaBomb

http://www.gofundme.com/eyhl0c

http://www.gofundme.com/odnxw8

I guess I will add that any donation amount is much appreciated and every cent helps. I know that I am not able to make huge donations, as much as I'd like to, but prayers are free! Again, thank you for taking a minute and sending out positive thoughts.
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I ordered some more Trixie Beldon Mysteries --like I warned you!--and of course, the first one I received is not the next one I need to read! Ha ha! That's what happened last time. Darn it, now I have to wait. Good thing I have three other things I'm reading right now.
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Okay, I'm making a real effort to get to bed at a decent hour, so I'm off!

Cheers!

March 11, 2015
1:11 a.m.

I think I am still reeling from the time change.

Twice a year, my schedule suffers an upheaval. And God alone knows why it should bother me--it's not like I have a job, or a normal sleep schedule. It should not bother me that the time changes twice a year.

But it does!

Maybe it bugs me on a practical level. I mean, why on earth do we put ourselves through this? It really serves no practical purpose. Due to the rotation of the earth and the position of the sun, we automatically receive more sunlight hours in the summer months in the United States, so why do we need daylight savings time? Would it not make more sense to try to "save" daylight in the winter months?

Ah, it's all too silly. Must be a government thing. Ha ha.

Okay, I guess that's enough for my bi-annual rant.
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My last post was devoted to some ranting about my ill luck with a leaky roof. Sorry about that. I still don't know how I'm going to afford to make the repairs, but today I realized that griping about it wasn't going to help. So, I apologize.

I'm feeling a little better because the melting is over and I don't hear all that dripping going on. Now I'm just hoping that we don't have another big snow before I get the chance to do some patching. Well, actually, to get someone else to do some patching. I'm too fat to climb up on my roof! (Truthfully, I'm even a little scared to climb on a stool!)
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It looks like the summer will be a busy time for me. A family reunion is planned for July, and I really hope that all my children and grandchildren will be able to be there. My parents are so excited.

I will travel home early to help my folks get ready. Then, over the weekend, the family will descend on the little town I grew up in, and it will be great to see everyone!

After that, I am trying to decide if I might go back to Oklahoma for awhile. My son and daughter have had me close by for the past fifteen years. Maybe it's time for my other two daughters to have me near them for awhile.

The thing that makes me hesitate is that it takes me even further from my parents, but since I've started flying instead of busing when I travel, I suppose either place is close enough.

Anyway, we shall see what we shall see.
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Oh, my, I guess I should go to bed and try to sleep.

Good night!

March 8, 2015
10:21 p.m.

Ah, weekends! They're not supposed to be for stressing out, are they?

We've recently had a great deal of snow, and the last few days have been very warm, which means snow melt. Normally, this would be a good thing. But, unfortunately, I have a leak or two in my roof, which means what I did this weekend was listen to dripping water, design makeshift water diversions and watch bowls fill up. Ugh!

Sadly, I am not a rich gal. I'm not even what one would call "comfortably well-off". I'm more getting on "by the skin of my teeth".

I don't know how I'm going to manage fixing my roof. I'm sad.

The truth is, my house is an old double wide mobile home. I mean old. Forty-two years old. If it was a car it would be a classic!

It's not a classic. It's just old and falling apart around my ears.

It's all paid for, though. There is that!

I've been disabled since 2010, and have been schooling to get back to work in a new profession, so that leaves me little money to do anything but squeak by.

I need some advise on low-cost roof repair. Really low cost. What sort of materials should I buy, if I want to make it a DIY project? (Which is pretty much what it's going to have to be!) Any helpful information would be much appreciated.
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Besides dealing with water damage, the weekend wasn't too bad.

My daughter, daughter-in-law and I made a brief visit to a Karaoke bar and listened to people butcher some songs. Haha! There were a couple singers who did quite well, though, so that was cool. The venue has pretty much outgrown its location. It was full to capacity, quite crowded. They were doing a good business, but they need more room.

I used to go out for Karaoke a lot, but I don't sing anymore. When I had my gall bladder removed I was intubated for anesthesia, and whoever inserted the tube scratched my trachea quite badly. Since then, my singing voice is unreliable. I prefer not to embarrass myself, so I sing when I'm alone these days.When it goes well I'm really happy, and when it goes off the rails, I'm the only one who has to hear it!
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My son's good, good friend took us out to lunch today to celebrate my son's birthday. Yay, Outback Steakhouse. Good eats!
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I'm looking forward to a good week of studying. Have to log those continuing education credits!

Take care, all. Good night!

March 5, 2015
11:22 p.m.

Today was my son's birthday. Holy cow, I'm the mother of a thirty-six year old man!

Remember all the stuff I recently wrote about the passage of time? Well, see? I told you so!

Time moves by really fast!

My boy literally went from this:

to this:

overnight. 

That's how it feels to me, anyway. Scary, right?

(By the way, my son is the one on the right. You may recognize the Power Ranger on the left. He is not my son, but Jason David Frank is pretty cool, too.)

Anyway, happy birthday to my beloved son! Live Long and Prosper, as Spock would say.

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The picture above was taken at the 2014 Denver Comic Con. I'm looking forward to the 2015 Con, as I am a gigantic nerd. 

The guest line up looks pretty good, but there are a few people I would love to see added to the list.

It would be great if the casts of Supernatural, Arrow and The Flash would consider dropping in! 

Hmm. I wonder how these Cons invite guests? Can I just shoot out a tweet to all the people I wish would come? That'd be cool.

If you want to check it out, try the link below. 

http://denvercomiccon.com/

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Tomorrow I need to get motivated. I need to study. Finish my laundry. Do stuff. 

I kind of lost my resolve today after spending a couple hours on hold in order to not get any answers to my questions and no solutions to my problem. 

That's what you get when you call a government agency, right? 

Take that, Paula. You should have known better. 

Oh well, at least I was able to read while I listened to horrible on-hold "music". 

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Brr. It's cold out there, folks. At least it's not snowing! 

Have a great night! 

Peace!

March 4, 2015
3:11 p.m.

You know all those memes out there threatening to eat the groundhog?


I don't want to eat him, but I am about ready to give him a good swift kick in the pants! Haha!

It's snowing again.

I am sitting here with a hot bowl of soup. Hot soup on a cold, snowy day--what more could I ask for?

Well, maybe a cookie...

Lets carry on, shall we?
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Fear, Part 5

I'm still on death, but really, today I am more concerned with quality of life.

I fear becoming a burden to my children.

Remember back in Part 3 when I confessed that I was afraid I might die in my sleep? That was a childhood fear, but as an adult, it seems to me the very best way to go. Crawl into bed, drift into sleep and never wake up.

Sure, I will miss things--I miss things when I'm asleep, like the end of the movie I was watching at four a.m. But I'm sleeping, so I don't actually know I missed it. I mean, that's my logic, however flawed it may be.

These days, that's how I want to go.

But I have to face facts. I don't get a choice. What ever takes me, takes me.

I just don't want to have to be taken care of.

Knowing that, you'd think I would take better care of myself. But, I take terrible care of me. I don't eat right--you will note that after my nice, healthy bowl of soup, I want a cookie. And if I had one, I'd be eating it right now! Probably more than one.

I don't exercise regularly.

I stress out over things I have no control of.

I don't consider myself to be in poor health, but that's just because I refuse to face the fact that I have several chronic conditions that my bad habits are certainly not helping.

And I'm fat.

(Wow. The groundhog doesn't need a good swift kick in the pants--I do!)

Okay, clearly I need to make some changes.

But these issues, while manageable, are not the only ones people have to face. People get sick. People have accidents. People have strokes.

I'm a people.

And these things might not kill me. They might just leave me needing care. I don't want that. If it's something that that I can't get over, I just want to go quickly.

I fear lingering in suffering, which would also cause my family to suffer, more than I do death.

But enough of that.

I don't know what made me reflect on fears these past few days, but I feel I've gotten entirely too serious. If I write any more about it, I think I will focus more on the silly stuff.

You know, like werewolves.

Or being forced to read Twilight again.

Yes, I read it! I admit it!

I'm so ashamed...

I also saw part of the first movie. I made it through the books because I promised a friend I'd give them a fair chance. But I simply cannot do the movies. Yawn. Snore.

Oh! Maybe as a cure for my insomnia?

Um...nope.
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Speaking of movies, I bought "The Wizard of Oz" in 3-D. Fabulous! What a fun trip down the yellow brick road!

Speaking of books, I'm off to Amazon!

Cheers!

March 3. 2015
1:10 a.m.

Fear Part 4

Yesterday, I left off on death. First, my fear of my own death, then my fear of the death of my loved ones.

I guess those fears are really all about running out of time.

I have been blessed to live long enough to grow up, have children, and see those children grow up and become parents themselves.

I have lived long enough for my oldest grandchild to get her learner's permit and start driving. (Yikes!) Six more months, and she'll have a driver's license, (double yikes), and if I live that long I will certainly get an excited text from her and a scared text from my daughter--her Mom.

I have been blessed that in all these many years, my parents have remained a constant part of my life. If we all live until July, we will be together for a family reunion.

If.

Now there's a scary word: IF

The passage of time. My youngest grandchild will be two months old in two days. She was just born, remember? Nope. Two months have passed. She has grown, learned to see her family, learned to react to them and smile, started to coo.

My oldest grandchild, the one with the learner's permit--she was just born, too. At least, it feels like it to me. But, no. She's learning to drive.

What happened?

Six other grandchildren have been born between the first and the last, and none of them stayed babies for long, and the time went by so fast that I can't even fathom the passage.

So, yeah. I fear running out of time, because I want to spend my days with them, watching them grow up and change and grow and learn. I want to hear all their stories and tell them mine.

I also want more time with my parents, who, if I face facts, probably have less time left than I do.

This is not to say that I have changed my "plan" to check out first, but really, the choice is not mine to make, is it? I could go first--it certainly happens--but the odds are that I will not.

So these days my biggest fear is not having enough time to hear their stories. All of them, every one. They still have plenty to teach me, and my children, and my children's children.

There's never enough time.

That's what I meant when I said that there were worse things than just a simple fear of death. I'm afraid I'll have to go, and then I'll miss things, like first teeth, first steps, first days of school, first cars, graduations, weddings, first babies.

And of course I will miss those things. We all will. Maybe not my grandchild's firsts, but certainly some great-grandchild's firsts. When the baby is twenty I will be seventy-four. It's possible I will still be around by then. But beyond that?

Well, who knows? It scary not knowing when the time to die will be. Yet, people live longer these days than ever before.

But that brings up yet another fear: Poor health.

This still relates to death in a way; as in, how will I die?

Oh, it's too late for this one.

To be continued...again...
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On a happier note, I'm about to retire to my room with yet another Trixie Beldon Mystery.

Tomorrow--um, I mean, later today--I will have to order a couple more volumes. Like I said, they are a fast read, and this is number six. Then I'll finish some of the other stuff I'm reading while I wait for numbers seven and eight to get here.

If you want something quick and entertaining, try this:  http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/03/09/a-death-stephen-king

Stephen King never fails to deliver a good read.

Good night!