January 1, 2016
12:58 p.m.

Happy New Year!

Started off 2016 by watching "Star Wars: The Force Awakens". I promise, no spoilers, just Oh--MY--GOD!! Go see this movie!

Other than that, the New Year is not off to the best of starts, and it's making me sad. 2015 was such a mixed up mess of mostly yuck, and as such, the high points of the past year look super high to me.

I haven't written anything since, like...September, I think. I've been off and on sick for months, with what I can only call stomach issues since I still don't really know what's going on in there. It landed me in hospital at the end of June, where the doctors ruled out pulmonary embolism and heart attack and/or cardiac issues. At this point it's all "it could be this" and "it could be that".

I had a diagnostic test scheduled for next week, but I had to reschedule to next month because I was informed that I had a facility charge that was beyond what I could spend in one payment, so I'm saving up for a test to find out what's wrong with me. In the meantime, I feel pretty yucky.

Now, it appears that I must go out and grocery shop. Whee! At least I got my Star Wars fix first.
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5:00 p.m.

Wow, I hate grocery shopping. But now I can make chicken soup! It's definitely been cold, soup weather for sure. Yum!

Also, soup is something I can eat without too much pain.

I also got stuff for smoothies, since they are also easier on the old tummy.

It's just another month, and then maybe I will find out what's going on in there!
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In the meantime, the good 2015 list:

January 5, 2015--A beautiful new granddaughter was born. She is healthy and full of good cheer.

I got to spend some quality time with two of my daughters and their families before returning home in mid January.

May, 2015--We went to Comic Con. The grandkids had fun. I met Sean Astin, who is a super-nice man. I went without my boot for a whole day and hardly limped.

June, 2015--My other daughter and I took her kids on a trip to see my Wyoming family, and we had quite a nice time there.

July, 2015--Family Reunion Time! My mother's family members traveled to Wyoming and we all had a wonderful weekend of food, laughter and love. The only thing that could have made it any better was to have my son there, too, and to be able to spend a little more time.

After the reunion in Wyoming we came back to Colorado and had a mini reunion here--me, my four children and their families. Happy, happy.

Certainly the year had other good days, but these are my high points this year. It doesn't surprise me that my best times involve my family. I have been blessed with four children I gave birth to and a few more that I added just because I love them. They have all given me every reason I have for enjoying life and wanting to keep on keeping on. 

So ignore my previous moaning and groaning. It'll all be fine.

Happy New Year!

September 17, 2015
11:20 a.m.

Someone I know just posted that she's upset that her son and his classmates can now be screened for alcohol use at school dances. She is understandably upset that her son will be treated as untrustworthy, but this is something I feel is actually a good thing.

I commented with this:

"My kids are in their 30's now, and I wish their schools had done things like this. The sad fact is that teenagers are not statistically trustworthy--they make decisions based on peer pressure and insecurities, and the most insecure are the leaders of the pressure pack. It's a rough gig. I'm glad that time travel is not possible, because I would hate to repeat those years myself, and I'd hate to have to live through my kids' teen years again. Now I'm worrying about the grandchildren, because it just keeps getting rougher all the time to be a teen. Rules and laws are in place to protect the masses from the bad decisions of the few--as always. Just look at this as a way to protect the trustworthy from those few who might negatively impact them for life."

Then I felt bad, because I basically delivered a lecture. But, you know what? I obviously don't feel too bad, or I wouldn't be posting this here.

Here's the thing: I was a great student; I took part in many extracurricular activities, got along with my fellow students and all my teachers. I got really good grades. I was a good kid, generally speaking. I even went to church and prayed and stuff. I wanted to be a good person.

But was I trustworthy? No. Because sometimes, alone at home at night, I helped myself to a little whiskey from my parents' bar. I thought it would take the edge off, maybe help me sleep. (It didn't.) Did I get caught? Of course I did! Because I didn't think it through and add water to the bottle so the level wouldn't change, my father noticed that the liquor was going somewhere. Did I get in trouble? Sure! My parents weren't barbarians; they didn't beat me. But they weren't about to let me get away with drinking, either; there were consequences. Did it stop me from drinking? Certainly--from their liquor supply, at least.

But there are other liquor sources, and it was surprisingly easy to find them.

My friends were mostly good kids, as well. Sure, I knew a couple of "shady" characters. Who doesn't? But I didn't need to ask any of my shadier acquaintances for help in getting a drink, if I wanted one. There was never a shortage of ready booze. Wherever we went, someone had something.

I was not the only "good" teenager drinking on the sly; lots of basically good kids have had a drink or two. I knew a few kids who kept stuff in their school lockers. I don't know if they drank between classes, but they were ready to get started after the last bell rang.

Now, I can happily report that I never drove drunk, In fact, I never even got drunk. I was pretty much a "one is enough" drinker. But my own experience is not the point. The point is, we were teenagers, and we were drinking. And just because I wasn't drunk or driving doesn't mean that my friends weren't. "Designated drivers" weren't a thing back then, but I was sometimes "designated" anyway, because my friends' plans were to get trashed. Since I was sober, I got the dubious pleasure of bearing witness to the lovely effects of too much to drink. 

It was not pretty. When everyone else is drunk and you're sober, it's a riveting display of stupidity. At the age of sixteen I knew I could never be a bartender, because I would never be able to deal with that level of dumb. After nearly forty years, I know I was right; I don't even like dealing with one drunk.

As we got older, "Keggers" became the weekend pass time. I skipped them. I had seen enough of my friends worshiping the porcelain god to know that I didn't want to see a whole crowd of teens doing it at the same time. I also didn't want to see anyone get killed trying to drive home. And the thing about kids and drinking--generally, it is not done in moderation. Teenagers do everything to an extreme. It's done with a goal in mind, and that goal is to get totally wasted.

According to my friends, I wasn't doing it right. But I didn't care. I liked being in control more than I liked fitting in.

For some, fitting in was the last thing they ever did.

According to Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD):

CAR CRASHES ARE THE LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH FOR TEENS, AND ABOUT A QUARTER OF THOSE CRASHES INVOLVE AN UNDERAGE DRINKING DRIVER.

Wow. And how about this:

ABOUT 30 PERCENT OF 8TH GRADERS HAVE TRIED ALCOHOL.

For more from MADD, read this: http://www.madd.org/statistics/?referrer=https://search.yahoo.com/

My own teen years took place in the late 1970's. I lived through those days by the grace of God, but a few of my friends did not. Alcohol and drugs took their toll even then. Even before the time I was nineteen--legal drinking age in those days--I was pretty much over it. Since those days I have rarely had a drink more often than once or twice a year, and I have a two drink limit. (The one exception occurred in 1991, but that's another story, for another day [maybe].)

Having made it through, I later became a parent, and my own children were teens in the 1990's. The 90's made the 70's look pretty tame, and yet, I still wanted to trust my children. They were basically good kids, and I took great pains to teach them right from wrong. 

But-- were they trustworthy? No, no, no. Every one of them tried alcohol in their teens, even though I never kept alcohol in the house.  Every one of them got falling down, throwing up, disgustingly drunk. Every one of them lied to me about it at one time or another. All of them have had friends who have had alcohol related arrests and/or accidents. They have all lost at least one friend due to alcohol. 

In spite of all this, one of my children grew up to have some serious trouble with alcohol that is still being dealt with. It has not been fun. I pray a lot. I cry a lot. I hate alcohol. 

And now I have eight grandchildren to worry about. Things have not gotten any better over time. In fact, it is harder being a teenager now than it ever has been, and improvements are nowhere in sight. 

So for me, learning that a school has proactively put a system in place to try to stop it before it starts gives me some hope. I know it sucks that the good kids who have no intention of drinking are being tested along with those who intend to spike the punch and get everyone buzzed. I know that targeting the masses to control the few stinks like a herd of skunks. But I'd rather see that than to have even one drunken driver on the road endangering all those good kids who should grow up and go to college and get married and have kids of their own, instead of being paralyzed or brain-damaged or dead. 

We all might as well face the fact that our kids, even the best kids, are going to do things we don't know about and wouldn't approve of. We can't be with them twenty-four hours a day, and if we tried they would resent the heck out of us. All we can do is teach them well, and then pray, pray, pray. 

It's a scary world. Any help we can get in making it a little safer--lets take it. 

September 12, 2015
11:59 p.m.

I'm so silly; I should have just posted September 13. Hahaha!

I finally got my ICD-10 coding book, and now I'm deep into studying for my proficiency exam so I don't lose my credentials. To anyone who has no idea what I'm talking about--no worries. Just suffice it to say that medical terminology, anatomy and codes will be my life for awhile. And this is a good thing, because it may lead me to becoming an employed disabled person, instead of an unemployed one.

Sounds mighty good to me.

Also, I have to say that the book is awesome. The anatomy artwork is simply beautiful. (If you like that sort of thing.) If you're a coder, I really recommend the ICD-10-CM 2016 volume by Carol J. Buck with Netter Anatomy Art.
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On the lighter side, once upon a time I was a working girl, and I worked a lot. Day job, night job, school--I was a busy bee. During those years, I rarely watched t.v., and now, after over a decade, I decided I would watch "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer". As a nerd, geek, or whatever, it has often irked me when I didn't get the "Buffy" references in other media. Finally, I'm catching up.

Am I proud to admit that I've now streamed two seasons? I don't know. But it's oddly fun. I would have enjoyed the heck out of it in high school, had it aired then.

Have I mentioned, ever, that I really like Netflix and Hulu? Being able to stream an entire old series is pretty satisfying for someone (me) who wanted a way to record and re-watch her favorite shows back in the 1970's before the invention of the VCR. If only I'd been smart enough to follow through on that desire when I was fourteen, I could have been rich.

I may even get around to watching all the old "Friends" episodes. Maybe. No one ever believes me when I say I haven't already seen them all.
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Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and make a change. So I bought a new sofa and love seat because the old ones were literally falling apart. Off we went to the furniture store, where we sat on set after set and finally decided on one. A couple days later, delivery time. And then--doggone it!--the arm of the brand new sofa is broken! So...waiting for a new one to come in so they can pick this one up and deliver a new one. Man! I finally break down, and that's what happens? Sheesh!

Next bullet--gotta do something about this roof. I hear we're in for a bad winter. Dang it.
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I'm going to have to call it a night. Until we meet again--good night!

August 23, 2015
4:01 p.m.

Wow, it has been a long time since I last checked in. I would say I'm sorry, (okay, I am sorry) but I have been really hitting the books, while at the same time going slightly crazy due to reasons. Maybe more than slightly. It is no fun being peripherally involved in a situation you have no control over. Many can relate, I'm sure. Nuff said.

July was a busy month. I got to go to the doctor. Whee. Started some new medication. Double whee. After my hospitalization and a bunch of tests, I have an ulcer. Triple whee. Was I surprised? Not really. I knew it wasn't a heart attack. I have acid reflux disease, I've had it for years, and my stress levels have been...well, not low. So, ulcer. Such fun.

On the good side, we had our family reunion! It was awesome to see all these people I haven't seen for years--in some cases, decades. It was my second road trip in less than a month, but this time I traveled with a different daughter and grandchildren. Variety is the spice of life!

We posed for family pictures at the same time my daughters decided it was time to make a visit to their father's house. (!!!) So above you see me with my youngest granddaughter, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins, but not my kids or other grandchildren.

Here I am with my siblings and cousins. There are a few people missing, but this is the biggest gathering of my mom's generation's offspring in decades!

My family--minus my kids and grandchildren. All my siblings together with my parents! It's a big deal to be all in the same place at the same time. Awesome!

My mother with my daughters, and some of the grandchildren.

Me and my Daddy!

My daughters and my Dad.

The girls actually managed two family reunions with one trip. Here their families visit with their uncle, aunt and cousins. 

Somehow, there is no photographic evidence of their visit with their father. I'm told it went well, and I'm so glad they did it. 

No matter what else goes on in life, family is important, and precious, and we're not going to live forever, so I am so grateful for all the memories we made in July, 2015!

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4:57 p.m.

To business: I just read a book. Yeah, me! And I have to say, I liked it enough to tell you about it. 

There's a little background required here, I think.

I don't think I can be called a Gamer. I don't have the cred. I do play online games, but they are single player puzzle-type games. 

My son, however, is a gamer. A few years ago he was quite actively playing an MMO called World of Warcraft. (Oddly enough, this is how he met his fiance; but that's another story!) Through this world, he ran across a web-based series called "The Guild", created by and starring Felicia Day. He invited me to watch it with him one day, and I was hooked. 

Felicia Day is very much a woman you can relate to. Her "weirdness" makes her. Reading her book is much like sitting down with her and saying, "So, tell me about your life so far," and she does. Breathlessly. 

An unconventional upbringing and a neurotic need to please everyone led her to take chances and be herself at a time when women were seriously underrepresented in the internet world. Her journey makes for an entertaining read. 

And Felicia, I'd be happy to sit down with you, eat some pancakes and drink a latte and just dish. 

For more information, click the link below. You're welcome.

http://www.amazon.com/Youre-Never-Weird-Internet-Almost/dp/1476785651/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1440367030&sr=8-1&keywords=you%27re+never+weird+on+the+internet+%28almost%29%3A+a+memoir&pebp=1440367031942&perid=0FDB82C46VVMAZGT8BJF
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I'm going to cook dinner now--fajitas!--(yes, ME!!) You may now faint.

Thus endeth me thinks for now.

Chow!

July 24, 2015
3:31 p.m.

Well, yesterday I went on a political rant, which was useless and probably not terribly accurate. In my defense--ME NOT POLITICAL.

I guess a lot of it stems from my growing frustration with life in the 2000's. Nothing is as it was when I was growing up, and the changes have not been for the better, in my opinion.

I live in a small suburb of a large city, and one would hope that the relative population difference between the actual city and the outlying suburbs would make it a safer place to live, but that's not the case.

I've lived here for over ten years, and my neighborhood seems relatively quiet, but I do not let my grandchildren outside to play unsupervised. There's a pool at the clubhouse, but I would never let them walk over there without an adult. Funnily enough, when all the children were here visiting last week, their mothers (my daughters) made them all wait to swim when they'd be accompanied by parents, and the oldest grandchild is sixteen! She drives, but can't go to my pool alone! And I salute my daughters for this. Because terrible world.

I have received e-mail notifications that there are sexual predators living within a five mile radius of my home. I have twice called neighborhood watch to report a suspicious white van. (It's amazing to me how the quintessential "white van" has become, in my mind, synonymous with "kidnapper". Unless it is clearly marked with recognizable company logos--and especially if there are no back windows--it is "suspicious". I don't care if the neighborhood watch thinks I'm crazy, white vans driving aimlessly around my neighborhood where children are playing are going to get reported!)

I am barely acquainted with my nearest neighbors, and have made no real effort to change that. (Neither have they.) I remember my parent's neighbors coming to the house for coffee and a visit. None of my neighbors have ever set foot inside my house, nor I in theirs. The world has moved on since my childhood, and not in a good way.

I've written in the past about one of my neighbors who collapsed in the street last fall. I was able to help her, with the help of the Call-N-Ride driver who came to take me to physical therapy, yet to this day we only say hello to one another and inquire about each other's health. No visits over coffee--I usually see her smoking outside while her dogs do their business and I'm checking my mail. Kinda sad, isn't it?

Honestly, I'm not an anti-social person. I don't think. Well, maybe a little. I'm content with a few good friends and my family. But it does seem that not just I, but many of the people I meet now have only a casual acquaintanceship with the people who live nearest to us. I remember growing up and knowing everyone on the street, first and last names! I actually know the first names of two neighbors. I haven't a clue about any of the others.

I know the park manager's first and last name--does that count? I mean, we are actually friends. But she doesn't live very near me.

Anyway, I think that neighbors are no longer friendly because people just don't trust each other as much as they used to. People move more often. People spend more time away from home. And as small a suburb as it is, it's still part of a big city, where people prefer to look at the ground as they pass you on the street rather than smile and say "Hi".

Maybe it's because I grew up in a small town. Maybe city people never give it a thought that their own neighbors are strangers. And even small town folks no longer feel comfortable letting their children out of their sight. I miss "neighboring", and yet I seem to have no real desire to pursue it now. I've become citified.

Whatever it is that's become of us in the twenty-first century, it's not  good for us. We live in a country where it's not even safe to take your family to a movie. We're afraid of terrorists, but even more afraid of the ice cream man.

So ranting about poor government may have been a way to address a bigger problem. Humanity has become a mess, in general.

No wonder I'm afraid to turn on the news. We had a theater shooting here in the Denver area. The offender was just convicted after weeks of deliberation. Yesterday, two young woman were shot in a theater in Lafayette, Louisiana. Copy cat? Who knows? People are a mess!

No one can say or do anything without offending someone. I'm offended by all the people who claim to be offended by things that aren't really offensive except to those who are seeking to be offended by everything. Those are the people who decide to take a gun and get back at all the people who supposedly offended them by killing other people who had nothing to do with any of those alleged offenses.

Like I said, a mess.

I think I'll go crawl in bed with a book and forget that I ever started this. If I'm lucky I'll find something set in the 1940's when people still knew their neighbors and were able to let their children go off and play for hours without worrying that some kook with a white van might be stalking them.

Hopefully, I won't go to sleep. My thinks for today are kind of nightmare-inducing.

Blah.

Good evening.

July 23, 2015
5:37 p.m.

I am having one of those days when I fear for all humanity. Sometimes it seems like we're already living in hell, and hope of heaven is futile.

I don't like feeling this way; it's a horrible, horrible feeling. But the world worries me, you know?

You are about to see something from me that you'd never believe possible if you know me at all: a political rant!

I no longer feel that I am living in the best Country on the planet. Everyone is so concerned with money and things, and so unconcerned about their fellow man. Our Government officials get paid way too much for doing way too little. Not a one of them is worthy of my trust. If I had the power to do so, I would issue pink slips for the whole of them this very day. And if they haven't saved enough of their over-inflated salaries to get by for awhile, tough titty. No unemployment benefits for them. They've been enjoying enough benefits, and haven't done their jobs properly. No pensions, either. They want to cut my Social Security benefits? Let them see how the other half has to live!

Whatever happened to "Government by the people, for the people"? When did it become "Government by the select to benefit the rich"? What a load of crap we're living with! How can we regain control?

(I'm going to jail for this, aren't I? I can see it now: "Paula Shablo arrested for threats to the Government of the United States of America. Wants to fire everyone running the Country." Now I'll be labeled a "threat" and a "terrorist" because I dared to say that my Country's Representatives need to be replaced.)

Seriously, I doubt this is the future our Founding Fathers had in mind for this Country. We used to be the strongest, the best educated. Now we're crap. It's a shame.

I am not a political person. I would be content to work, spend time with my family and read and write without ever turning on the news and listening to a single politician. I would like to believe that the President elect had a handle on things and that I could just live my life like a child with loving and trustworthy parents. But I have no trust in this Administration, nor did I trust the previous Administration. The last time I felt a little secure living in this Country was when Bill Clinton was in office. And I do meant a LITTLE secure.

Honestly, the last good thing a President did for this country was when Jimmy Carter ordered hostages rescued at any cost. No one since then has had the balls to fight for the citizenry. They're too worried about offending someone.

Yeah, yeah, we killed a few terrorists. So what? We've allowed thousands more to invade our country, take our jobs and collect our benefits. Have we all lost our minds?

Where will it end? We're going to be invaded and destroyed from the inside if we don't get a handle on this mess. It's time to give the Government back to the People. We've become lazy and naive, believing that our votes really make a difference. We need to make sure they do make a difference.

How? I don't know, because I'm not a political person. But a lot of you are, so you tell me--how do we take back control of this Country? How do we fire the incompetent representatives and replace them with people who care about us instead of the almighty dollar? What can we do?

Now, having bitched and moaned, I do want to say that I love the USA. I don't really want to live anywhere else--so far, at least. But I'm pretty ashamed of what this Country has become in the last quarter of a century. We can do better. We must do better.

So, what can we do?

It's sad to feel ashamed of your home, isn't it? If I was traveling abroad right now, and someone asked where I'm from, I'd be tempted to say "Canada". That's pretty depressing. (No offense, Canada. Be proud you're who I'd claim!)

Clearly I should shut up now.

Those were me thinks!

Good evening!

July 6, 2015
9:00 a.m.

Yeah, sleep doesn't seem to be an option. Bummer.

Last night I ranted a bit about my recent hospitalization, and now I feel bad, because I may have left the impression that I didn't get good care. I did.

Kudos to the doctors and nurses at Saint Anthony's North. You treated me well, and I thank you!

Okay, I have about eight different bruises from repeated attempts to start an IV, but the fact is, I have terribly uncooperative veins. No one's fault.

I'm a little concerned about getting a big old bill, though, since I had to be transported by ambulance from one facility to another. I hope my insurance covers it!

I'm also concerned about the follow up. I foresee an upper GI in my future. Ugh!
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About stress: I really don't know how to avoid it, although I'm sure it's true that I would be healthier and feel better without it. I still think it's beyond silly to tell someone not to stress about things they can't control, though. If you have control, there's no need to stress.

I wonder, after a pretty horrible night of stressing over something I can't control, if biofeedback might be for me. It would be nice to control the old brain waves, heartbeat, etc.

Actually, if I could just get my brain to shut up--that would be great.

There are a lot of crazy, dumb and not so great things going on with my family members right now, and I am powerless to change a thing. All I can do is watch from the sidelines, and hope and pray that things turn out okay. Talk about things I can't control. Someone, please tell me how to not stress about these things!

I wish I could really talk about things, but I can't. Although things make me worry, make me sad or even make me frustrated and angry, they are peripheral to me. They are not my things. Just things going on with people I love.

Gee, how I wish I could fix everything for everyone. If I had the chance to obtain a superpower, that's what I would wish for.
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We had a strange winter around here, with an early freeze in the fall and then a late freeze in spring that killed a lot of trees. This morning, I hear the sound of dead trees being removed. What a sad sound!
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Well, time for me to try to control some things I have no control over. Wish me luck. Have a great day.