April 28, 2020
5:50 p.m.

How many days have passed by since New Years' Eve 2019? Don't worry, I'm not going to bother with counting them down, because it doesn't really matter. We have almost reached the 5th month of 2020, and I am considering the irony of my hopefulness in starting a new year, when 2019 had been a bit of a bitch.

Now, I rather long for the inane inconveniences of last year, don't you?

Whatever went wrong last year, at least I could visit with family members, take in a movie or go out to dinner. I could go on a trip. I could go to the library.

I have been out of the house once in the past 6 weeks, and that was for groceries. Whoop-dee-doo.

In a few days, I will begin a new decade of life. This strikes me as odd and unbelievable, particularly since it was once my fervid belief that I could never turn 40, and the year 2000 could never come to be. It was an insane notion. Science fiction. Never gonna happen.

But, of course, it did. Since I am currently still alive (to the best of my knowledge, but who can say for sure? Perhaps I am just a figment of my imagination) I did turn 40 and the year 2000 not only happened, but time continued to fly by.

Needless to say, 2020 was another year that seemed obscure and unimaginable to me. Sure, we made it to the 21st century, but how long could it last before we just--poof!--blew it all away?

Now, that question doesn't seem silly at all.

In the past few years, I have come to realize that the planet is populated with increasingly dumber beings. This surprised me. I thought with all the technological advances, people would get smarter. That doesn't seem to be the case.

Instead, I have watched, appalled, as gullibility has multiplied about a hundred-fold. If you spoon-feed the masses false information laced with just enough truth and as much candy-coating as they require to swallow it, people will eat it up by the truckloads.

Now, having said that, if I go no further, I can count on people from all sides of the spectrum to agree with me regarding the people on their opposite sides. Apparently, we all think we're right and everyone else is wrong. We're sane, and everyone else is crazy. We're smart, and everyone else is dumb.

I'm not excluding myself from this; I know I'm right, and sane and smart. So, there!

Enough people know me, know what I believe or don't believe, who I believe or don't believe, and what sort of choices I will make based on those beliefs. Other people don't have a clue, and I'm not going to enlightened or disillusion them of anything on this platform. What I think about things isn't the point of my little rant. My point is that I, myself, am disillusioned to learn that so many people I regarded as intelligent and sane have now proven to be completely off their rockers, and it makes me sad.

I am a consumer of literature, and as a consumer, I have devoured a ton of science and science fiction, a ton of fiction and non-fiction, a ton of conspiracies, spies and intrigue, murders and mysteries and mayhem, true crime and fantastical "perfect" crimes, drama and comedy, fantasy and horror. None of the nearly six decades of drinking in story after story after story prepared me for the dramedy/horror/crime/conspiracy/whatever the hell else that is today's so-called reality.

Honestly, even decades of television didn't prepare me for this. Of course, if there had been a show like The Walking Dead Meets Perry Mason in Peyton Place, I might have had a clue what awaited me in this century.

Do you get it? The Walking Dead is about a pandemic that eventually will turn everyone into a zombie. People rush to self-isolate, all while hoarding food and other products and fighting to the death for gasoline and toilet paper. In the meantime, the government is holding he said/she said and I didn't/he did trials in public, denying that anything is wrong, or that anything is happening, or that anything ever did happen, and Perry Mason points at the guilty party, but no one will believe him. In the meantime, everyone is sleeping with someone else's spouse, diddling the help and the kiddies, and pretending to be higher and mightier than the next guy, all while hoarding all the money and letting the poor fend for themselves, and...

Yeah, I don't want to watch THAT show.

But it's on every day, and we call it THE NEWS.

Ugh.

I think I'll go watch Star Trek and pretend it's 1966.  At least then everything went off the air for a while every night, and we could look forward to men on the moon.

Unless that's not true, either. Or it was really Mars. Or someone besides America got there first.

Sigh.



Author's note: this was previously published over five months ago. Things have certainly not improved since then, and have, in fact, gotten considerably worse. When I update stories, I like to have some sort of resolution. Sorry. 

April 15, 2020
2:23 p.m.

Kaylea and Wade with Tabitha and Rafe

Shayla and Journey

Molly

It's April, and that means it is time to celebrate all the April babies! These are some of mine, and I love them all. Happy April Birthdays!!
________________________________________________________________________________

Today would usually be tax day, but due to weird times, today is NOT tax day. Don't worry, it hasn't been cancelled, just postponed. The IRS will be happy to take your money soon.
_________________________________________________________________________________

In other news, it is snowing. I am ready for this to be over. Sunshine and flowers, hurry up.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Happy thoughts only. Happy thoughts.

Well, once again, it is the birthday month for all these cuties. Kaylea, Shayla, Journey, Wade and Molly--You are April diamonds. Shine on!


Y'all shine on, too!

April 13, 2020

It's Easter Monday, and ages since my last post.

I have been focusing on fiction this year, mostly because real life has gotten so very strange.

That said, some of the fiction I wrote last year seems like a bit of foreshadowing in these recent days. My book, Starting in the Middle of The End, focuses on a trio of little girls who are caught up in a dangerous situation and eventually moved to an underground hiding place during events that leave the world changed forever. Dystopian stuff, but now a bit weirder to me in light of things going on.

Last winter I wrote a short story featured in my book Scribbles: A Short Story Collection called A Little Cold, where things went a little sideways. It was written and in editing before the current situation hit the news.

Am I weird, or what?

Now, this current situation is something we need to be aware of, and we need to have good and reliable information going forward. I don't feel like we're getting that from the current Administration. Anyone who spends three quarters of each interview making excuses and placing blame and calling people names is not someone I have any faith in.

As I write, I am listening to yet another press conference, and feeling very much like I might puke on my shoes. I have no trust anymore in what is going on in the country.

That said, I have been heartened by the response of Governor Jared Polis in Colorado. I feel that he was much more proactive than many, not including Cuomo in New York, and if everyone had done as they did, things might look better today.

Now they're talking about re-opening the economy. The Thingy announces that he has all the authority over all the states to do this, which is a lie. He says no one needs ventilators, things are doing better, everyone is getting all the ventilators they need.

The lies go on and on.

I feel a need to stay current and that need is in direct opposition to my need to filter the bullshit by turning everything off.

Sigh.

You can maybe see why I haven't posted much real-time commentary lately. It's depressing. Plus, I don't feel like arguing about it.

Hey, I plugged a couple of my books. Go get them and read. Escape for a while. Enjoy.
________________________________________________________________________________

Easter happened.

It didn't happen the way it usually does, and that makes me sad. We usually have a nice family dinner with everyone, but yesterday it was just Mom, Dad and me. Homemade soup, biscuits and fresh apple pie. It was delicious.

But, wow. It was lonely not being with everyone.

My reaction? Look at really old Easter photos. 

Ha ha. Check out my terrible fashion sense in that top photo. What on earth was I thinking? I'm sad to report that my fashion choices haven't much improved over the years.

Anyway, Happy Easter to all. 

_________________________________________________________________________________

My New Year's resolution to write more is a bust, and I'm not going to repeat it here. I will try. I do write another blog, and it features mostly fiction. It's easier for me to cope with make-believe these days. You can read that at Penz-O-Paula. I hope you'll visit and follow me. 

In the meantime, please safe. Make sure you follow those Social Distancing guidelines. Wear a mask when you go out, but stay home as much as possible. Wash your hands. Wash them a lot. Wash them some more. 

January 13, 2020
12:52 p.m.

Birthday shout-outs are in order today. To all these January babies-- Leiah Joyce Sisson, Eliel Ibarra, Valerie Ibarra, Maggie & Xavier Amaya--Happy Birthday!!! Have a wonderful year, and a wonderful everything, and know that I love you!!

Valerie and Sam

Leiah

Jose, Carlitos, and Eliel

Megan, Mariah

Maggie, Santa and Xavier

No doubt there are more January birthdays, but I think I got all of them so far this month. 

____________________________________________________________________________

5:55 p.m.

I have this thing about New Years. January feels like the wrong time for me to start a new year. I am not crazy about January. It's cold. It gets dark too early. It's cold. The daylight doesn't last long enough to get anything done. And, damn it, it's cold. 

Now, all my snow loving buddies are going to get me over this. Hey, buddies! Enjoy your ski trip. Don't break anything, have fun, drink some cocoa for me in the lodge. Good on you! January is all yours, with my blessing. 

I don't know who decided that January 1st should mark the beginning of a new year. Why not April 1st, when new growth is happening? Flowers are making their first appearances, trees are showing off new leaves, grass is getting green. That's NEW. In nature, this is about the time for new babies to make their debuts--calves, lambs, foals, deer, bunnies. Nature is smarter than we are--it knows when things are NEW. 

People, now... not too bright, are we, starting over in the dead of winter? That's when the only thing new is the strained back and the sprained ankle we got from shoveling snow and falling on the ice! 

I'm not really dissing January. Well, I am, because...brr! But no. I'm not. I'm dissing January as the beginning of a new year.  How can anything be new when a good portion of nature is actually sound asleep? Can't we start the year when the bears wake up? 

Of course, while Spring makes the most sense to me as the beginning of a new year, there is a part of me that still considers the first day of a new school year the real new year. Of course, I was that rare child who actually loved school and looked forward to day one every year. New grade, new teachers, new classes, new things to learn. Maybe new friends and sometimes even new schools! So exciting! 

As a parent, this was still my new year, getting the kids new clothes, shoes, school supplies. NEW. Starting over. 

January seems like the Wednesday of months, the hump you have to get over on the way to Friday, which I suppose is somewhere around June. 

Yup, I am not a big fan of January. I am currently one great big arthritic ache, and at some point in my life I may have to consider a warmer climate. 

It's cold. 

________________________________________________________________________________

I have spent most of the last year here in Wyoming, care taking. I've been trying to figure out the mail schedule, and I have to finally admit that there isn't one. It comes when it comes. I don't like checking the mail in the dark, but mostly that's what happens. The only days it comes early is when I am trying to mail something out. Then, even if I hit the mailbox by 10:00 a.m., the mail has been delivered. It's like someone knows....

_________________________________________________________________________________

My parents have had the same telephone number since 1966. Every telemarketer in the entire world has it, and I think half of them have called today. Sheesh! 

Remember when our cell numbers were unlisted? I wish they still were. I have gotten so many calls lately. The one I get most is to remind me that the warranty on my car is about to expire.

I haven't owned a car since 2005. I think they're a little late, don't you? 

_________________________________________________________________________________

Well, I am off! Stay warm, drink something hot, cover up, be cozy! 

Monday, January 6, 2020
5:18 p.m.

Happy New Year!

It's the 12th day of Christmas, and the wise men have finished their journey to the manger to pay their respects to Mary and welcome her son, Jesus, to the world.

In some areas of Mexico, children will fill their shoes with hay or grain for the camels and burros that carried the gifts to the newborn babe.

If you're here in the US, you can take down your Christmas tree.

The way I'm going, that tree might stay up all year. Ha ha. I like it. It's pretty. It's not going to die. It's cheery.
_________________________________________________________________________________

I have been horrible about keeping this blog going in the past year. When I started it, I wanted it to be filled with family anecdotes and news and good, cheery thoughts.

2019 was not a cheery year.

Oh, I did post about family reunions and travels. We had some good times. We enjoyed our trips, saw pretty sights and spent time with great people, and I was happy to write about those things.

But, since I have been so determined not to write a bummer blog full of complaints and sadness and such, I found I had little to say in 2019.

You know, nothing bad happened directly to me in 2019. I have been housed and fed. I have clean clothes and shoes. I'm good.

But, as a mother, grandmother and daughter, I've experienced peripherally the pain my family has been going through.

Last year saw my daughters go through betrayal, abuse, stalking, robbery and vandalism.

My son has had several health issues.

My grandchildren have had to deal with the consequences of adults' bad choices.

My father is shrinking. I mean it. I feed him up all day, and he keeps losing weight, mostly muscle. He is in one stage or other of dementia, and I feel so helpless because I can't do anything about it.

I admit it. I'm a fixer. Present me with a problem, and I go to work trying to take care of it.

These things have been beyond me. No matter what, I can't change some things, and it really ticks me off.

I can't fix mean people, including but not limited to spouses, who think it's okay to treat my girls like crap. I mean, I could...but it might not be legal. I always said "Hurt my baby, and I will hurt you." Easier said than done. But I will help in all ways possible to get them away from the bullshit and on their feet.

I can't do anything to make my son's health improve faster than it is. And it is improving, so there's that. But it has not been fun knowing he hasn't felt his best.

I can't cure dementia. All I can do is continue to take care of Dad and hope things progress slowly and that he will always know who we are and how much we love him.

So, here I am in the first week of the New Year, bitching about the old one. I want to be hopeful that 2020 will be better, but if this past week is any indication, I'd be wasting my time.

Australia is on fire. Politics and the associated bull has divided our nation, and now we appear to be on the brink of a war that is largely a political ploy. We can't trust anyone; even the so-called Faithful have proven themselves to be seeking riches and attention on earth instead of storing up their riches in heaven.

Socially, we're walking backward. Fewer rights for women. Fewer rights for the disenfranchised. Fewer avenues of help for the poor and hungry.

What has happened?

Okay, so here's the terrible deal. This blog is called MeThinks, and these days, I don't always think positively. I will do my best to be cheery and optimistic, but in the coming year, you might see a few literal bitch-fests.

Feel free to chime in!

Let's try to have a happier new year. Hang in there!

September 23, 2019
12:07 p.m.

Over the last few years--probably since the beginning of the new millennium--I have become the photographic documentarian of the family. I have tried very hard to be present for special occasions; births, weddings, holidays and reunions have come to hold a special place in my heart, and I feel a need to leave some sort of memory footprint behind each one. 

The picture above is actually a rarity--my mother, me and my grandmother in a photograph together. The occasion was my own wedding day, but that's not relevant. What is relevant is the fact that there are not more photos like this.

Yes, I find pictures of my parents and grandparents all the time, but I'm not with them in very many of them. Part of the reason may be that I don't particularly like being the subject in a photo. I'd much rather be behind the camera. But the other reason is we didn't seem to feel it was important to leave those memory footprints behind when I was younger. There was always going to be another day, another opportunity to take a quick snapshot. 

I have so many memories of spending time with my grandparents, but very few photos to look at and see that we were actually there, together, spending quality time. I wish now that there were a lot more. 

I guess that's the reason I do take the time to pose for pictures with my children and grandchildren now, even when I'd rather be out of the shot and behind the lens. Someday, they may want to see some evidence that I was there with them. 

__________________________________________________________________________________

4:07 p.m.

Speaking of photographs, I have spent hours now (not all in one day, mind you) looking for one particular photo. It's driving me nuts. 

And now, I found some photos from a 1991 reunion, and I know there are more, but do you think I can find those? Nope. They are probably scanned on my computer in Denver, which is dying a slow and noisy death. Thank heaven I have them backed up on another driver. Wherever that is.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Since I have blabbed away about photos, can I just ask you readers, how do you manage your own photographs? Do you just maintain albums of prints and store your digitals on the cloud? Do you scan old photos and save them on a device or a DVD? Do you print your digital photos? Please let me know in the comments.

I'm off in search of the rest of those reunion photos. Wish me luck!

Until we meet again! 

September 4, 2019
1:38 p.m.

It seems to me that it has been a long year. Kind of a tough year, too.

My parents are getting older. We who are lucky enough to still have parents can all say that--they are getting older. But this past year has been a time when I could actually see it happening, day by day. Not just because I'm here every day, either. Because it has accelerated.

I suppose once someone reaches that eight-decade milestone, acceleration is to be expected. So why did I not expect it?

Mom has been through so much in two years. Four surgeries--three elective for knee and hip replacements and one that literally saved her life two years ago when she had a blockage in her small intestine. She uses a cane, even after surgeries, and frequently also makes use of a walker. Still, she remains strong in mind and manages her days well.

Dad is weakening daily. He has become confused and no longer takes joy in the things he used to love. His appetite is sporadic; some days he eats well, and other days I have to beg and ply him with extra protein drinks. He has issues with balance and has fallen several times in the past few months, at one time injuring himself quite badly.

I no longer feel comfortable if I'm not with them all the time.

That said, I have to go to Colorado next week for medical stuff and *gasp* jury duty. My sister will come and stay with them.

I have gotten to a point in my life where I find myself "borrowing trouble". Worst case scenarios just pop into my head, and I'm not sure how to deal with that. I might be a little depressed.
__________________________________________________________________________________

Last week was pretty nice, since my nephew and his wife and daughter came for a visit that lasted longer than a weekend. It was so nice to spend some good time visiting with them.

 

They make their home in Washington, which is too far away, of course. Every time someone says "It's a small world", all I can think is that it sure seems big to me, when all the people I love are too far away for me to visit every day! 

At any rate, we got to have a few days of good visits, and my sister and brother-in-law did a really nice barbecue at their house. Good food, good company. Who could ask for more?

(I could have asked for no migraine, but I managed to enjoy the day, the food and the company in spite of the darn headache. Boy, those things are killjoys, aren't they?)
__________________________________________________________________________________

The Labor Day thing has come and gone, and now we must prepare for summer's end. I hope we have a long and mild autumn before winter comes. I hear the winter predictions this year are dire. Ugh.

Speaking of Labor Day, I didn't even glance at sales, look at traffic statistics or in any way acknowledge that the holiday is about anything else but good labor laws. Aren't you proud of me?
_________________________________________________________________________________

I'm going to have to grab the dog. Neighbor has a new pup, and she's really winding Molly up with her barking. They are going to drive all the neighborhood nuts. It's probably a pleasant conversation, but I don't have a doggie translation app. Ha ha!

Y'all have a good evening!