April 20, 2015
10:12 p.m.

It's been a sad couple of days.

Recently, I wrote about fears, and among those fears was the fear of death. Fear of my own death, and fear of the death of my loved ones. Deciding that I had to go first is not a realistic solution to my unwillingness to face anyone else's death--how would I possibly time it just right?

Paramount--for me, at least--is the fear of losing my parents.

Believe me, I understand how blessed I have been to get past the age of fifty and still have living, breathing, healthy parents. My father is approaching his eighth decade, but he can still be found tending his yard and playing golf. My mother will soon be seventy-eight, and she still manages all her own household chores. As I type, they are planning a family reunion, to be held at their home in July. Remodeling chores are in progress. We are all so excited.

My hope is that we will enjoy not only this upcoming reunion together, but many more to come. But only God knows if that will be the case, and I know I have to do my best to enjoy every minute I can with them.

That said, I feel the need to celebrate the lives of a couple of people who left us this week. One was my uncle. My memories of him are of an endlessly cheerful man. My only memory of him unsmiling was when I saw him at my grandmother's funeral. Other than that, whenever I saw him, he was grinning from ear to ear.

My cousins lost their father April 18th, and I am so very sorry. Tony Turcotte, you were much loved and you will be missed. God Bless You. Rest in Peace.

Friends from my hometown also lost their father this week, a man I really believed would be with us forever. He was 101 years young. Brother Joe Trujillo will be quite the warrior in Heaven, but will certainly be missed here on earth. Rest in Peace. 

The great-granddaughter of Tony, my little cousin thrice removed, Stormy, continues to battle a brain tumor. http://www.gofundme.com/odnxw8 The family is having a hard time, so if you'd care to lend a hand and a dollar or two, visit Stormy's page. Thank you.

My second cousin, Rusty, is also battling a brain tumor. His page can be found here:  http://www.gofundme.com/eyhl0c  Thank you.

In regards to donations, every penny counts, but so does every prayer, good thought and happy vibration. I thank you just as heartily for those. 

As always, thanks for stopping by. Please like and share.

Peace! 

April 19, 2015
7:04 a.m.

It is so weird to be awake at this hour, and of course, the only reason I am is because I was up all night. The birds are singing, which is a good sign. Means it's not raining.

The past few nights have passed in this fashion, because I have a leaky roof. We got a wet, heavy snow, and the melt off has lasted awhile. The pan I have set under the leak has been filling rather rapidly, and I knew if I slept while everyone else was sleeping, it would overflow and water would be everywhere.

Last night wasn't too bad, but night before last I emptied that pan about eight times! Ugh!

So now I am dreaming of a hot shower and a nap. The hot shower is definitely going to happen--we'll see about the nap. I slept yesterday during the day, and it always makes me feel lazy and dumb. I don't know why, since I was legitimately up all night and have to sleep sometime, but there you go. I love to sleep, don't do it very well, and even manage to feel guilty about it when I do. Messed up, aren't I?
_________________________________________________________________________________

This has been a weekend without grandchildren. Always a bummer, but since the above was happening, I guess it was just as well. I look forward to the weekends they come down, though, so next weekend should be fun. (As long as the weather holds and I don't have to sit up with a leaky roof. Boo!)
_________________________________________________________________________________

I have not been going to physical therapy since getting back from OKC. I got reports back from my insurance that showed that they were not paying my claims for some reason. That made me nervous about scheduling. Anyway, every time I go I have a $50.00 co-pay, and they want to see me like two or three times a week! I can afford about two times a month at that price!

So, anyway, I'm kind of rehabbing my foot and hip on my own, and I was wondering if anyone had any good exercises I might try? (Please be advised that I am rather lazy, and everything hurts, so be gentle!)
_________________________________________________________________________________

Well, the sun has been up for awhile, but not OUT, if you know what I mean. If you don't, it's cloudy out there, folks. I fear more rain may be coming my way, even though the weather report says no. I could use a little sunshine, please!
_________________________________________________________________________________

Okay, this kids is off to the showers! Have a great day!

Depression: Raise Awareness and Erase the Shame

April 17, 2015
12:25 a.m.

I'm feeling negative at this time, and I don't like when that happens to me. I feel fortunate that it doesn't really happen often. It does cause me to think of those less fortunate than myself, however, those who feel negatively more often than not.

I recently came across a campaign to raise awareness of the debilitating effects of depression and other mood disorders, so I ordered this shirt. This particular campaign is over, but the next one is happening now at: http://represent.com/jaredjensen and at: http://represent.com/jaredjensencases .

(If you highlight the addresses above and right-click, it will open a menu that you can click on and go to the sites.)

This sort of promotion isn't something I do ordinarily, but I am more than acquainted with these disorders; people I love suffer with the effects of depression, bipolar disorder, Seasonal Affective Disorder, schizophrenia and other issues. Some of us get the blues; some of us live blue.

I've seen my loved ones deal with these issues by self-medicating with drugs or alcohol (or both). I've seen them destroy relationships because they refused to seek help. I've seen them get help and then go off their medications and relapse. I've watched them laugh hysterically and cry uncontrollably.

I have even seen them choose to give up.

I was once in that black place myself, and the only thing that kept me here was knowing that my children would grow up without me if I went. The scariest part of admitting this is knowing that for me it was a period of blackness. So many others live in the blackness all the time.

Part of the problem--the biggest part, maybe--is that no one wants to talk about it. There's an element of shame involved.

How many times have we told a sad friend to "cheer up"? "Get over it"? "Deal with it"? I know I have said these things, over and over again.

But how do you "get over" something that may be physical in nature, something caused, perhaps, by a chemical imbalance or a hormonal issue? (Beyond PMS, ladies!) You need to seek medical attention, and stick to the treatments. You need to stop self-medicating, because it doesn't work--it adds to the problem already present and sends you spiraling ever downward. You need to know that it is okay to seek help and not fear the judgement of others who simply do not have enough information to understand what is really happening to you.

That's the reason I'm supporting this campaign, and the reason I urge everyone to please, please "Always Keep Fighting".

I don't want to lose anyone else. Do you?

Think positive. Do something positive. Find out more about depression and mood disorders, and support those who are too scared to seek the help they need by raising awareness and erasing the shame.

Thank you!

April 10, 2015
12:18 a.m.

Sometimes I really want to use this blog as a place to vent. But I don't want anyone I know to read it if I do that. I don't want to hurt any feelings.

I will say this much, though: life can be frustrating!
_________________________________________________________________________________

"Game of Thrones" returns on Sunday. Eek! I'm excited. Now if only the next book would come out! It's rough when you invest your time in a series and then have to wait and wait for the next volume!
_________________________________________________________________________________

Did you ever watch one of those scary movies when a girl is babysitting, and the house is ginormous? Why would you ever leave the kids' rooms? I would not be wandering around a big old house when I was getting scary phone calls, I would be in the same room as the kids.

I do not want this dingbat babysitting any kids I know and love!

You know, I guess it's a good thing I was never rich, because I would never want to live in a house so big that I couldn't get to the kids in, like, seconds. Running up two flights of stairs and down long hallways is not my idea of a good time.

Dang! Look at the size of this house! Yikes!

Oh boy, now she's gone outside. What a dunderhead. If she lives through this, she's fired. She left the kids alone.

Hahaha! I can't believe I am watching this!
_________________________________________________________________________________

I have decided that researching a family tree is addictive. I've traced some branches back to the late 1700's and then I'm stuck because I can't find a link to England or Germany or Spain or wherever. If anyone has some clues for me, please let me know.

It's also fascinating, you know. Who were these people? What were their lives like? It's pretty interesting.
_________________________________________________________________________________

I have to say that I'm over the weather this week. I haven't felt warm in days. It's April. Enough already, I would like to turn my furnace off.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Hoping to visit with my grandchildren this weekend. I miss them when they're not around.

Clearly I have no "thinks" tonight, so I'm off to do something else. Like maybe sleep.

Night, all!

April 6, 2015
4:21 p.m.

Well, it's a day late, but Happy Easter!

I'm feeling especially lucky to have been invited to spend the day with good friends/family and eat a great meal. At the end of the day, having special people in your life is the most important thing.

I've been lazy about this blog, but this time I have a good excuse! I started digging around in the family genealogy, and I have to say, once you start, it can be quite fascinating. I never expected to get so far into the past.

Now I want to go to England and Scotland and see if I can find more information, but that is certainly not in the cards. Too bad I am not famous. Then I could go on the show "Who Do You Think You Are?" and they could send me on a hunting trip down the family tree highway. Ha ha!

I don't know what sent me down this road. Other members of the family have done some considerable work on this. My father's sister did an incredible job with that side of the family. I know my cousin and my aunt on my mother's side of the family have done quite a lot, too. But I have been trying to find things from both sides, because in the end, I would like to give the information to my kids.

What I would love to be able to do is to track down the history of my ex-husband's family so that the kids would have a more complete family tree. I think when we visit my mother and father this summer I will speak to my brother-in-law about their family.
_________________________________________________________________________________

5:29 p.m.

Remember back in the day when television had thirteen channels and you actually had to get up and cross the room to change the channel?

Okay, I guess not everyone remembers those days, but we never had a remote control until I was in my teens. Ditto color t.v.

I'm feel nostalgic about the old days, though. Growing up, my hometown had only one choice for television if you wanted to get all the channels, and that was cable. Our programming came out of Salt Lake City, so we got no local news on cable. Ariel t.v. was broadcast out of the neighboring town, but provided only one channel, and since we were in a valley of sorts, reception was terrible. But you could catch a local news report on that station. Otherwise, they ran two movies repeatedly: "The King and I" with Yul Brenner and "Bedazzled" with Dudley Moore and Peter Cook.

More recently, both those movies have been re-made, but I can't get on board with either of them. I guess I watched the originals too many times on what passed for late night back in the day.

Fast forward to today, and here I am, with a sixty-inch screen, three remote controls, Comcast Cable, Netflix and Hulu, access to over two hundred channels, and what am I watching?

Re-runs.

When I was a kid, we used to wait for a whole year to watch a re-run of a favorite movie, like "The Wizard of Oz" or Rogers and Hammerstein's "Cinderella". I used to wish I had a projector and a copy of the films so I could watch whenever I wanted.

I remember once taking my Lloyds cassette tape recorder and taping a movie so I could listen to it later. I was sure I was onto something good. I wanted to find a way to actually tape the audio and visual parts of the movie and watch what I wanted whenever I wanted.

Well, I was onto something good, but someone older and smarter than I developed it first. Movies on a disc the size of a record album! Beta, I believe it was called. My brother-in-law and sister got a player and some movies in the early 1980's. It was so cool!

But it don't really catch on. It was replaced by the VHS tapes, and that format stuck around for a long time.

In the 1990's I did the unthinkable and cancelled cable. People occasionally taped television shows for us. We already had lots of tapes before I cancelled cable, so we were never really without something to watch. But the 90's were tough, and I couldn't afford a cable bill, so no one complained. And that crazy ariel t.v. station was still broadcasting, so we could watch that. Not only did they have local news, they had added some shows to their repertoire, so it wasn't a two movie rotation anymore. The kids got pretty good at adjusting the rabbit ears.

I don't know what really got me thinking about all the television stuff. These days we have stacks of DVDs available to us, and yet, here I am, still with cable plus other digital options. I sometimes think I should cancel it all and read more.

Four books a week isn't enough, right?

The saddest part? I'm still more likely--as in back in my cassette player days--to listen to a show rather than watch it, because I am always doing something else at the same time.

I'm a mess.

And...I'm outta here.

Peace!