11:20 a.m.
Someone I know just posted that she's upset that her son and his classmates can now be screened for alcohol use at school dances. She is understandably upset that her son will be treated as untrustworthy, but this is something I feel is actually a good thing.
I commented with this:
"My kids are in their 30's now, and I wish their schools had done things like this. The sad fact is that teenagers are not statistically trustworthy--they make decisions based on peer pressure and insecurities, and the most insecure are the leaders of the pressure pack. It's a rough gig. I'm glad that time travel is not possible, because I would hate to repeat those years myself, and I'd hate to have to live through my kids' teen years again. Now I'm worrying about the grandchildren, because it just keeps getting rougher all the time to be a teen. Rules and laws are in place to protect the masses from the bad decisions of the few--as always. Just look at this as a way to protect the trustworthy from those few who might negatively impact them for life."
Then I felt bad, because I basically delivered a lecture. But, you know what? I obviously don't feel too bad, or I wouldn't be posting this here.
Here's the thing: I was a great student; I took part in many extracurricular activities, got along with my fellow students and all my teachers. I got really good grades. I was a good kid, generally speaking. I even went to church and prayed and stuff. I wanted to be a good person.
But was I trustworthy? No. Because sometimes, alone at home at night, I helped myself to a little whiskey from my parents' bar. I thought it would take the edge off, maybe help me sleep. (It didn't.) Did I get caught? Of course I did! Because I didn't think it through and add water to the bottle so the level wouldn't change, my father noticed that the liquor was going somewhere. Did I get in trouble? Sure! My parents weren't barbarians; they didn't beat me. But they weren't about to let me get away with drinking, either; there were consequences. Did it stop me from drinking? Certainly--from their liquor supply, at least.
But there are other liquor sources, and it was surprisingly easy to find them.
My friends were mostly good kids, as well. Sure, I knew a couple of "shady" characters. Who doesn't? But I didn't need to ask any of my shadier acquaintances for help in getting a drink, if I wanted one. There was never a shortage of ready booze. Wherever we went, someone had something.
I was not the only "good" teenager drinking on the sly; lots of basically good kids have had a drink or two. I knew a few kids who kept stuff in their school lockers. I don't know if they drank between classes, but they were ready to get started after the last bell rang.
Now, I can happily report that I never drove drunk, In fact, I never even got drunk. I was pretty much a "one is enough" drinker. But my own experience is not the point. The point is, we were teenagers, and we were drinking. And just because I wasn't drunk or driving doesn't mean that my friends weren't. "Designated drivers" weren't a thing back then, but I was sometimes "designated" anyway, because my friends' plans were to get trashed. Since I was sober, I got the dubious pleasure of bearing witness to the lovely effects of too much to drink.
It was not pretty. When everyone else is drunk and you're sober, it's a riveting display of stupidity. At the age of sixteen I knew I could never be a bartender, because I would never be able to deal with that level of dumb. After nearly forty years, I know I was right; I don't even like dealing with one drunk.
As we got older, "Keggers" became the weekend pass time. I skipped them. I had seen enough of my friends worshiping the porcelain god to know that I didn't want to see a whole crowd of teens doing it at the same time. I also didn't want to see anyone get killed trying to drive home. And the thing about kids and drinking--generally, it is not done in moderation. Teenagers do everything to an extreme. It's done with a goal in mind, and that goal is to get totally wasted.
According to my friends, I wasn't doing it right. But I didn't care. I liked being in control more than I liked fitting in.
For some, fitting in was the last thing they ever did.
According to Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD):
CAR CRASHES ARE THE LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH FOR TEENS, AND ABOUT A QUARTER OF THOSE CRASHES INVOLVE AN UNDERAGE DRINKING DRIVER.
Wow. And how about this:ABOUT 30 PERCENT OF 8TH GRADERS HAVE TRIED ALCOHOL.
For more from MADD, read this: http://www.madd.org/statistics/?referrer=https://search.yahoo.com/My own teen years took place in the late 1970's. I lived through those days by the grace of God, but a few of my friends did not. Alcohol and drugs took their toll even then. Even before the time I was nineteen--legal drinking age in those days--I was pretty much over it. Since those days I have rarely had a drink more often than once or twice a year, and I have a two drink limit. (The one exception occurred in 1991, but that's another story, for another day [maybe].)
Having made it through, I later became a parent, and my own children were teens in the 1990's. The 90's made the 70's look pretty tame, and yet, I still wanted to trust my children. They were basically good kids, and I took great pains to teach them right from wrong.
But-- were they trustworthy? No, no, no. Every one of them tried alcohol in their teens, even though I never kept alcohol in the house. Every one of them got falling down, throwing up, disgustingly drunk. Every one of them lied to me about it at one time or another. All of them have had friends who have had alcohol related arrests and/or accidents. They have all lost at least one friend due to alcohol.
In spite of all this, one of my children grew up to have some serious trouble with alcohol that is still being dealt with. It has not been fun. I pray a lot. I cry a lot. I hate alcohol.
And now I have eight grandchildren to worry about. Things have not gotten any better over time. In fact, it is harder being a teenager now than it ever has been, and improvements are nowhere in sight.
So for me, learning that a school has proactively put a system in place to try to stop it before it starts gives me some hope. I know it sucks that the good kids who have no intention of drinking are being tested along with those who intend to spike the punch and get everyone buzzed. I know that targeting the masses to control the few stinks like a herd of skunks. But I'd rather see that than to have even one drunken driver on the road endangering all those good kids who should grow up and go to college and get married and have kids of their own, instead of being paralyzed or brain-damaged or dead.
We all might as well face the fact that our kids, even the best kids, are going to do things we don't know about and wouldn't approve of. We can't be with them twenty-four hours a day, and if we tried they would resent the heck out of us. All we can do is teach them well, and then pray, pray, pray.
It's a scary world. Any help we can get in making it a little safer--lets take it.
