July 24, 2015
3:31 p.m.
Well, yesterday I went on a political rant, which was useless and probably not terribly accurate. In my defense--ME NOT POLITICAL.
I guess a lot of it stems from my growing frustration with life in the 2000's. Nothing is as it was when I was growing up, and the changes have not been for the better, in my opinion.
I live in a small suburb of a large city, and one would hope that the relative population difference between the actual city and the outlying suburbs would make it a safer place to live, but that's not the case.
I've lived here for over ten years, and my neighborhood seems relatively quiet, but I do not let my grandchildren outside to play unsupervised. There's a pool at the clubhouse, but I would never let them walk over there without an adult. Funnily enough, when all the children were here visiting last week, their mothers (my daughters) made them all wait to swim when they'd be accompanied by parents, and the oldest grandchild is sixteen! She drives, but can't go to my pool alone! And I salute my daughters for this. Because terrible world.
I have received e-mail notifications that there are sexual predators living within a five mile radius of my home. I have twice called neighborhood watch to report a suspicious white van. (It's amazing to me how the quintessential "white van" has become, in my mind, synonymous with "kidnapper". Unless it is clearly marked with recognizable company logos--and especially if there are no back windows--it is "suspicious". I don't care if the neighborhood watch thinks I'm crazy, white vans driving aimlessly around my neighborhood where children are playing are going to get reported!)
I am barely acquainted with my nearest neighbors, and have made no real effort to change that. (Neither have they.) I remember my parent's neighbors coming to the house for coffee and a visit. None of my neighbors have ever set foot inside my house, nor I in theirs. The world has moved on since my childhood, and not in a good way.
I've written in the past about one of my neighbors who collapsed in the street last fall. I was able to help her, with the help of the Call-N-Ride driver who came to take me to physical therapy, yet to this day we only say hello to one another and inquire about each other's health. No visits over coffee--I usually see her smoking outside while her dogs do their business and I'm checking my mail. Kinda sad, isn't it?
Honestly, I'm not an anti-social person. I don't think. Well, maybe a little. I'm content with a few good friends and my family. But it does seem that not just I, but many of the people I meet now have only a casual acquaintanceship with the people who live nearest to us. I remember growing up and knowing everyone on the street, first and last names! I actually know the first names of two neighbors. I haven't a clue about any of the others.
I know the park manager's first and last name--does that count? I mean, we are actually friends. But she doesn't live very near me.
Anyway, I think that neighbors are no longer friendly because people just don't trust each other as much as they used to. People move more often. People spend more time away from home. And as small a suburb as it is, it's still part of a big city, where people prefer to look at the ground as they pass you on the street rather than smile and say "Hi".
Maybe it's because I grew up in a small town. Maybe city people never give it a thought that their own neighbors are strangers. And even small town folks no longer feel comfortable letting their children out of their sight. I miss "neighboring", and yet I seem to have no real desire to pursue it now. I've become citified.
Whatever it is that's become of us in the twenty-first century, it's not good for us. We live in a country where it's not even safe to take your family to a movie. We're afraid of terrorists, but even more afraid of the ice cream man.
So ranting about poor government may have been a way to address a bigger problem. Humanity has become a mess, in general.
No wonder I'm afraid to turn on the news. We had a theater shooting here in the Denver area. The offender was just convicted after weeks of deliberation. Yesterday, two young woman were shot in a theater in Lafayette, Louisiana. Copy cat? Who knows? People are a mess!
No one can say or do anything without offending someone. I'm offended by all the people who claim to be offended by things that aren't really offensive except to those who are seeking to be offended by everything. Those are the people who decide to take a gun and get back at all the people who supposedly offended them by killing other people who had nothing to do with any of those alleged offenses.
Like I said, a mess.
I think I'll go crawl in bed with a book and forget that I ever started this. If I'm lucky I'll find something set in the 1940's when people still knew their neighbors and were able to let their children go off and play for hours without worrying that some kook with a white van might be stalking them.
Hopefully, I won't go to sleep. My thinks for today are kind of nightmare-inducing.
Blah.
Good evening.
Friday, July 24, 2015
Thursday, July 23, 2015
July 23, 2015
5:37 p.m.
I am having one of those days when I fear for all humanity. Sometimes it seems like we're already living in hell, and hope of heaven is futile.
I don't like feeling this way; it's a horrible, horrible feeling. But the world worries me, you know?
You are about to see something from me that you'd never believe possible if you know me at all: a political rant!
I no longer feel that I am living in the best Country on the planet. Everyone is so concerned with money and things, and so unconcerned about their fellow man. Our Government officials get paid way too much for doing way too little. Not a one of them is worthy of my trust. If I had the power to do so, I would issue pink slips for the whole of them this very day. And if they haven't saved enough of their over-inflated salaries to get by for awhile, tough titty. No unemployment benefits for them. They've been enjoying enough benefits, and haven't done their jobs properly. No pensions, either. They want to cut my Social Security benefits? Let them see how the other half has to live!
Whatever happened to "Government by the people, for the people"? When did it become "Government by the select to benefit the rich"? What a load of crap we're living with! How can we regain control?
(I'm going to jail for this, aren't I? I can see it now: "Paula Shablo arrested for threats to the Government of the United States of America. Wants to fire everyone running the Country." Now I'll be labeled a "threat" and a "terrorist" because I dared to say that my Country's Representatives need to be replaced.)
Seriously, I doubt this is the future our Founding Fathers had in mind for this Country. We used to be the strongest, the best educated. Now we're crap. It's a shame.
I am not a political person. I would be content to work, spend time with my family and read and write without ever turning on the news and listening to a single politician. I would like to believe that the President elect had a handle on things and that I could just live my life like a child with loving and trustworthy parents. But I have no trust in this Administration, nor did I trust the previous Administration. The last time I felt a little secure living in this Country was when Bill Clinton was in office. And I do meant a LITTLE secure.
Honestly, the last good thing a President did for this country was when Jimmy Carter ordered hostages rescued at any cost. No one since then has had the balls to fight for the citizenry. They're too worried about offending someone.
Yeah, yeah, we killed a few terrorists. So what? We've allowed thousands more to invade our country, take our jobs and collect our benefits. Have we all lost our minds?
Where will it end? We're going to be invaded and destroyed from the inside if we don't get a handle on this mess. It's time to give the Government back to the People. We've become lazy and naive, believing that our votes really make a difference. We need to make sure they do make a difference.
How? I don't know, because I'm not a political person. But a lot of you are, so you tell me--how do we take back control of this Country? How do we fire the incompetent representatives and replace them with people who care about us instead of the almighty dollar? What can we do?
Now, having bitched and moaned, I do want to say that I love the USA. I don't really want to live anywhere else--so far, at least. But I'm pretty ashamed of what this Country has become in the last quarter of a century. We can do better. We must do better.
So, what can we do?
It's sad to feel ashamed of your home, isn't it? If I was traveling abroad right now, and someone asked where I'm from, I'd be tempted to say "Canada". That's pretty depressing. (No offense, Canada. Be proud you're who I'd claim!)
Clearly I should shut up now.
Those were me thinks!
Good evening!
5:37 p.m.
I am having one of those days when I fear for all humanity. Sometimes it seems like we're already living in hell, and hope of heaven is futile.
I don't like feeling this way; it's a horrible, horrible feeling. But the world worries me, you know?
You are about to see something from me that you'd never believe possible if you know me at all: a political rant!
I no longer feel that I am living in the best Country on the planet. Everyone is so concerned with money and things, and so unconcerned about their fellow man. Our Government officials get paid way too much for doing way too little. Not a one of them is worthy of my trust. If I had the power to do so, I would issue pink slips for the whole of them this very day. And if they haven't saved enough of their over-inflated salaries to get by for awhile, tough titty. No unemployment benefits for them. They've been enjoying enough benefits, and haven't done their jobs properly. No pensions, either. They want to cut my Social Security benefits? Let them see how the other half has to live!
Whatever happened to "Government by the people, for the people"? When did it become "Government by the select to benefit the rich"? What a load of crap we're living with! How can we regain control?
(I'm going to jail for this, aren't I? I can see it now: "Paula Shablo arrested for threats to the Government of the United States of America. Wants to fire everyone running the Country." Now I'll be labeled a "threat" and a "terrorist" because I dared to say that my Country's Representatives need to be replaced.)
Seriously, I doubt this is the future our Founding Fathers had in mind for this Country. We used to be the strongest, the best educated. Now we're crap. It's a shame.
I am not a political person. I would be content to work, spend time with my family and read and write without ever turning on the news and listening to a single politician. I would like to believe that the President elect had a handle on things and that I could just live my life like a child with loving and trustworthy parents. But I have no trust in this Administration, nor did I trust the previous Administration. The last time I felt a little secure living in this Country was when Bill Clinton was in office. And I do meant a LITTLE secure.
Honestly, the last good thing a President did for this country was when Jimmy Carter ordered hostages rescued at any cost. No one since then has had the balls to fight for the citizenry. They're too worried about offending someone.
Yeah, yeah, we killed a few terrorists. So what? We've allowed thousands more to invade our country, take our jobs and collect our benefits. Have we all lost our minds?
Where will it end? We're going to be invaded and destroyed from the inside if we don't get a handle on this mess. It's time to give the Government back to the People. We've become lazy and naive, believing that our votes really make a difference. We need to make sure they do make a difference.
How? I don't know, because I'm not a political person. But a lot of you are, so you tell me--how do we take back control of this Country? How do we fire the incompetent representatives and replace them with people who care about us instead of the almighty dollar? What can we do?
Now, having bitched and moaned, I do want to say that I love the USA. I don't really want to live anywhere else--so far, at least. But I'm pretty ashamed of what this Country has become in the last quarter of a century. We can do better. We must do better.
So, what can we do?
It's sad to feel ashamed of your home, isn't it? If I was traveling abroad right now, and someone asked where I'm from, I'd be tempted to say "Canada". That's pretty depressing. (No offense, Canada. Be proud you're who I'd claim!)
Clearly I should shut up now.
Those were me thinks!
Good evening!
Monday, July 6, 2015
July 6, 2015
9:00 a.m.
Yeah, sleep doesn't seem to be an option. Bummer.
Last night I ranted a bit about my recent hospitalization, and now I feel bad, because I may have left the impression that I didn't get good care. I did.
Kudos to the doctors and nurses at Saint Anthony's North. You treated me well, and I thank you!
Okay, I have about eight different bruises from repeated attempts to start an IV, but the fact is, I have terribly uncooperative veins. No one's fault.
I'm a little concerned about getting a big old bill, though, since I had to be transported by ambulance from one facility to another. I hope my insurance covers it!
I'm also concerned about the follow up. I foresee an upper GI in my future. Ugh!
_________________________________________________________________________________
About stress: I really don't know how to avoid it, although I'm sure it's true that I would be healthier and feel better without it. I still think it's beyond silly to tell someone not to stress about things they can't control, though. If you have control, there's no need to stress.
I wonder, after a pretty horrible night of stressing over something I can't control, if biofeedback might be for me. It would be nice to control the old brain waves, heartbeat, etc.
Actually, if I could just get my brain to shut up--that would be great.
There are a lot of crazy, dumb and not so great things going on with my family members right now, and I am powerless to change a thing. All I can do is watch from the sidelines, and hope and pray that things turn out okay. Talk about things I can't control. Someone, please tell me how to not stress about these things!
I wish I could really talk about things, but I can't. Although things make me worry, make me sad or even make me frustrated and angry, they are peripheral to me. They are not my things. Just things going on with people I love.
Gee, how I wish I could fix everything for everyone. If I had the chance to obtain a superpower, that's what I would wish for.
_________________________________________________________________________________
We had a strange winter around here, with an early freeze in the fall and then a late freeze in spring that killed a lot of trees. This morning, I hear the sound of dead trees being removed. What a sad sound!
_________________________________________________________________________________
Well, time for me to try to control some things I have no control over. Wish me luck. Have a great day.
9:00 a.m.
Yeah, sleep doesn't seem to be an option. Bummer.
Last night I ranted a bit about my recent hospitalization, and now I feel bad, because I may have left the impression that I didn't get good care. I did.
Kudos to the doctors and nurses at Saint Anthony's North. You treated me well, and I thank you!
Okay, I have about eight different bruises from repeated attempts to start an IV, but the fact is, I have terribly uncooperative veins. No one's fault.
I'm a little concerned about getting a big old bill, though, since I had to be transported by ambulance from one facility to another. I hope my insurance covers it!
I'm also concerned about the follow up. I foresee an upper GI in my future. Ugh!
_________________________________________________________________________________
About stress: I really don't know how to avoid it, although I'm sure it's true that I would be healthier and feel better without it. I still think it's beyond silly to tell someone not to stress about things they can't control, though. If you have control, there's no need to stress.
I wonder, after a pretty horrible night of stressing over something I can't control, if biofeedback might be for me. It would be nice to control the old brain waves, heartbeat, etc.
Actually, if I could just get my brain to shut up--that would be great.
There are a lot of crazy, dumb and not so great things going on with my family members right now, and I am powerless to change a thing. All I can do is watch from the sidelines, and hope and pray that things turn out okay. Talk about things I can't control. Someone, please tell me how to not stress about these things!
I wish I could really talk about things, but I can't. Although things make me worry, make me sad or even make me frustrated and angry, they are peripheral to me. They are not my things. Just things going on with people I love.
Gee, how I wish I could fix everything for everyone. If I had the chance to obtain a superpower, that's what I would wish for.
_________________________________________________________________________________
We had a strange winter around here, with an early freeze in the fall and then a late freeze in spring that killed a lot of trees. This morning, I hear the sound of dead trees being removed. What a sad sound!
_________________________________________________________________________________
Well, time for me to try to control some things I have no control over. Wish me luck. Have a great day.
July 6, 2015
12:07 a.m.
I should probably be in bed, but I doubt that I would be able to sleep. I am so wound up.
I think I'll just catch up on the last few weeks.
Went with my daughter to visit my parents and make sure her kids got to visit with them since they won't be able to make the family reunion.
It was a quick weekend only trip, but we managed to have a good time.
However, the trip home didn't go so well for me, and instead of having my daughter deliver me to my house, I had her take me to the emergency room. I was having chest pain that I attributed to bad Chinese food, but ended up being admitted for numerous tests. This was Monday afternoon, June 29th.
Naturally, I needed and IV.
These are the biggest bruises, but hardly the only ones. Suffice to say that my veins were not cooperative.
They managed one and sent me for a CT of my lungs, looking for a blood clot since I had been traveling for several hours by car.
They drew blood, it clotted and they had to draw it again. Boo. Hiss.
My EKG showed nothing, but they decided to admit me to make sure that a heart attack wasn't lurking my my future.
I was not happy.
The Emergency room I went to is now a separate facility from the main hospital, so I had to be taken by ambulance. It took hours to secure a room. By the time I went on my little ride, my IV had failed and the EMT attempted to start a new one in the ambulance. Once he bragged that he "did it all the time", I knew I was doomed. My tissues filled with fluid and OUCH! So he had to stop that, and there I lay, with IV lines in each arm, neither of them working.
Once I got there, I had to answer a million repeat questions, then a nurse worked in my original IV and was able to re-position it and start some fluids. I had managed to get a sandwich by 8 p.m. or so, the only thing I'd eaten all day, and then was told I needed to eat something before midnight because I had to be off food and water after that for my tests the next day. They brought me another sandwich, but I couldn't eat it. Food was making me feel worse.
The next morning a tech arrived to prepare me for my stress test. She injected a radioactive dye. She warned me, but I was still dismayed as it entered my veins, because it causes a sensation that feels just like you're wetting your pants! Ugh!
They took me down for an MRI, for a baseline before my stress test.
A while later, off I went for the stress test. That wasn't much fun! My IV failed yet again, and they couldn't get one going. They called in someone else to try, someone "really good". Well, she stuck me at least four times before they could get one to work. I felt like a pin cushion!
Because my foot is still healing, I didn't dare run on a treadmill, so I had to be injected with something to stress my heart as I walked. That's why I had to have another IV. Yikes! Stressing your heart is scary, man!
After that, I got to drink cola to get the caffeine to counteract the drug.
Then off I went for an echocardiogram, which is an ultrasound of the heart. That was a pretty lengthy procedure.
Back to the stress lab for the end of that test, another MRI to assess my heart's reaction, and back to my room.
I got to have a liquid breakfast while I waited for results.
And guess what? Bad Chinese food!! Imagine that.
Well, not actually. But I have GERD, (gastrointestinal reflux disease, better known as acid reflux), and have been on medication for it for years. What I experienced--probably--was an exacerbation of the condition, and the doctor doubled my medication.
They gave me a real lunch and let me go home. But I have to follow up on Wednesday, July 8th with my doctor, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up having more tests, because every time I eat, I feel awful.
It's all due to stress, I know this. I have been stressing about my house with its leaking roof, and all this rain, rain, rain. I have been stressing about my kids' problems.
Someone told me not to stress out over the things I can't control. That's so dumb. If I had control, I wouldn't be stressed about it! I wouldn't have to be stressed, because I would have control.
Bad advise, whoever it was who told me this. Bad advise.
I have been trying to be supportive to everyone who needs my support, but there's a breaking off point, and someone has crossed it. I can no longer be supportive to that person.
But it still stresses me out that it's come to this point.
I'm very sad tonight.
I'm going to try to sleep, because I have a very stressful morning planned.
Phooey!
Good night!
12:07 a.m.
I should probably be in bed, but I doubt that I would be able to sleep. I am so wound up.
I think I'll just catch up on the last few weeks.
Went with my daughter to visit my parents and make sure her kids got to visit with them since they won't be able to make the family reunion.
It was a quick weekend only trip, but we managed to have a good time.
However, the trip home didn't go so well for me, and instead of having my daughter deliver me to my house, I had her take me to the emergency room. I was having chest pain that I attributed to bad Chinese food, but ended up being admitted for numerous tests. This was Monday afternoon, June 29th.
Naturally, I needed and IV.
These are the biggest bruises, but hardly the only ones. Suffice to say that my veins were not cooperative.
They managed one and sent me for a CT of my lungs, looking for a blood clot since I had been traveling for several hours by car.
They drew blood, it clotted and they had to draw it again. Boo. Hiss.
My EKG showed nothing, but they decided to admit me to make sure that a heart attack wasn't lurking my my future.
I was not happy.
The Emergency room I went to is now a separate facility from the main hospital, so I had to be taken by ambulance. It took hours to secure a room. By the time I went on my little ride, my IV had failed and the EMT attempted to start a new one in the ambulance. Once he bragged that he "did it all the time", I knew I was doomed. My tissues filled with fluid and OUCH! So he had to stop that, and there I lay, with IV lines in each arm, neither of them working.
Once I got there, I had to answer a million repeat questions, then a nurse worked in my original IV and was able to re-position it and start some fluids. I had managed to get a sandwich by 8 p.m. or so, the only thing I'd eaten all day, and then was told I needed to eat something before midnight because I had to be off food and water after that for my tests the next day. They brought me another sandwich, but I couldn't eat it. Food was making me feel worse.
The next morning a tech arrived to prepare me for my stress test. She injected a radioactive dye. She warned me, but I was still dismayed as it entered my veins, because it causes a sensation that feels just like you're wetting your pants! Ugh!
They took me down for an MRI, for a baseline before my stress test.
A while later, off I went for the stress test. That wasn't much fun! My IV failed yet again, and they couldn't get one going. They called in someone else to try, someone "really good". Well, she stuck me at least four times before they could get one to work. I felt like a pin cushion!
Because my foot is still healing, I didn't dare run on a treadmill, so I had to be injected with something to stress my heart as I walked. That's why I had to have another IV. Yikes! Stressing your heart is scary, man!
After that, I got to drink cola to get the caffeine to counteract the drug.
Then off I went for an echocardiogram, which is an ultrasound of the heart. That was a pretty lengthy procedure.
Back to the stress lab for the end of that test, another MRI to assess my heart's reaction, and back to my room.
I got to have a liquid breakfast while I waited for results.
And guess what? Bad Chinese food!! Imagine that.
Well, not actually. But I have GERD, (gastrointestinal reflux disease, better known as acid reflux), and have been on medication for it for years. What I experienced--probably--was an exacerbation of the condition, and the doctor doubled my medication.
They gave me a real lunch and let me go home. But I have to follow up on Wednesday, July 8th with my doctor, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up having more tests, because every time I eat, I feel awful.
It's all due to stress, I know this. I have been stressing about my house with its leaking roof, and all this rain, rain, rain. I have been stressing about my kids' problems.
Someone told me not to stress out over the things I can't control. That's so dumb. If I had control, I wouldn't be stressed about it! I wouldn't have to be stressed, because I would have control.
Bad advise, whoever it was who told me this. Bad advise.
I have been trying to be supportive to everyone who needs my support, but there's a breaking off point, and someone has crossed it. I can no longer be supportive to that person.
But it still stresses me out that it's come to this point.
I'm very sad tonight.
I'm going to try to sleep, because I have a very stressful morning planned.
Phooey!
Good night!
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