May 15, 2015

4:58 p.m.

Always Keep Fighting. A campaign to raise awareness of depression and other mood-related disorders. 

I wasn't really thinking of myself when I bought this shirt. I know other people who have battled with mood disorders, and I was thinking of supporting them. I wanted them to know that it's okay to admit there's a problem, and okay to ask for help. 

Then something happened: Colorado turned into Seattle, Washington. And after several days of cloudy, rainy days, I remembered something: I, too, suffer from a mood disorder. Seasonal Affective Disorder, known as SAD, is a disorder where the sufferer is affected by a lack of sunlight.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/05/health/05brody.html?fta=y

I feel like I've been in my own fight for the last few weeks.

Generally speaking, Colorado is a sunny location. Even in winter, we have more sunny days than overcast, cloudy days. We typically have rain in the spring, but it's usually intermittent. And when that happens, I'm okay. One or two days of clouds and rain, and I feel a little blue, but only a little.

This spring has been day after day of clouds and rain, and only a day or two of sunshine in between. As the days have passed I have had increasing difficulty in motivating myself to do anything. I can't concentrate on my studies--and honestly, I don't even want to study--and find that I make more mistakes than usual. I don't want to do anything, go anywhere, talk to anyone. It's becoming harder and harder just to force myself out of bed and out of my room.

It has been twenty-five days since my last post, during which time it has rained nearly every day. Adding to my distress, I have a leak in my roof, and I can't get it fixed until it stops raining! I have really not been a happy camper.

During this past month I have thought about writing, but for some reason (vanity? false pride?) I don't want to be seen as a person with anything but cheerful thoughts and happy tales.

Yes, I know I'm ridiculous.

But, I don't want to spend days on end complaining. I don't want anyone to know that I have been near tears, or actually in tears, and over NOTHING. It's a cloudy day or two (or thirty, doggone it!!), not the end of the world. I should be able to talk myself out of this funk.

But that's the point of the campaign, isn't it? To get people talking about it, to raise awareness. Who am I to think that I can support the cause but not admit that I, too, have issues sometimes? Knowing that I will be fine as soon as the weather changes is not the point. Knowing that I'm not fine until it does is the point.

Anyway, just a reminder to everyone, the t-shirt sale is over, but the work goes on.
 https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/alwayskeepfighting?source=feed_text&story_id=378118559060412

Always Keep Fighting, and I will, too.

Waiting for the sunshine.

Over and out.