September 17, 2016
4:41 p.m.

I am one of those people--call me terrible, call me uninformed, call me whatever you like--who hates to watch the news.

I am not talking about dislike; I'm talking HATE. I hate it. I tune in, and within minutes, I am a writhing ball of revulsion. Politics, massacres, humanity acting inhumanely. Ugh! Double ugh!

I want to skip it; most of the time I do skip it.

But even I, the news-o-phobe, am aware that it is an election year. It's a horrible JOKE of an election year, granted, but I still need to know--somehow--what's going on.

I kind of want to leave planet Earth. Too bad there's nowhere for me to go,

I have Facebook, and cannot avoid the many, many posts by Trump supporters and Clinton supporters, basically just trashing each other.

I have a television, so I am exposed to all the darned commercial messages. "I'm Hillary Clinton, and I approved this message," she says, and then all you hear is Trump saying stupid stuff. Same goes for the Trump approved commercials; smash and bash, trash and thrash.

I can't be the only one who's noticed that neither of them are putting out ads that give anyone a good reason to choose one over the other. No one is saying a single positive thing!

Okay, it's true--I'm not going out of my way much to seek out the positives, mostly because I find them both reprehensible and I don't wish to spend an extra second of my time seeking them out, researching their policy propsals.

I'm lying. I have actually looked things up in the news outlets, on the government websites. I have even watched speeches.

Did I say "UGH!" yet? Oh yeah, I did.

I understand there are third party candidates. But is that a viable option, or will voting for them push the odds in favor of the least worthy candidate? I fear that may be the case.

Going to the polls this year seems like an exercise in futility. There may be a winner in this election, but no matter who wins, the PEOPLE are going to lose.

We're doomed.

I'm pretty sure I've said this before, too. Maybe not today...

You know, my favorite shock-rock guy, Alice Cooper, is running a joke campaign right now. Wouldn't it be great if everyone just wrote him in?

He wouldn't think so--the last thing he wants it to be President!

I don't care; I think it would be hilarious. Let him win by a landslide!

Alice Cooper for President

We could do it, you know. I'm sure Alice wouldn't thank us for it, but I'd kind of love to see Americans treat this election like the joke it is and just write Alice in. Yeah, we'd have to go through the whole dang mess again, but it would be worth it!

What do you say, America? Are you with me? Alice Cooper for President!!

Come on! It'll be fun!

America?