May 10, 2016

2:42 p.m.

Recently I found myself swinging on the gate of the bathroom debate. 

Can I just say this whole thing has gotten a little out of hand?

Lets face it, people--when it all comes down to ones and twos, everyone has the right to make their ones and twos. 

I know people are screaming about pedophiles, but I have news for you: they have not been waiting around for bathroom laws to give them permission to go into the restrooms of those of opposite genders. Nor have rapists waited with bated breath for the opportunity to walk into the lady's room. These reprobates have been going where they shouldn't be for decades--heck, centuries--without giving one iota of a damn about the law. 

By the way, I shouldn't need to remind anyone of this, but the male pedophile you're worried might go into the same bathroom with your daughter is already in the same bathroom with your son, and there's a 50/50 chance he's more interested in him than he is in her. 

What are you planning to do about that?

The reality is, this is all about transgender people being able to go into the bathroom with others of the gender they have transformed into. And transgender people have been around for decades. Longer than that, if we simply consider those who were unable to have gender reassignment treatments and surgeries. Transgender life has historical reference going back centuries in that case. 

Bathroom monitoring, however? Not so much. 

None of this is about sexual acts of any kind; it's about urinating. Possibly defecating. Washing hands, combing hair and refreshing lipstick. Or my favorite public bathroom activity: tooth brushing. I don't care who's standing next to me at the sink when I spit; it's their own problem if the toothpaste splatters on them. 

Honestly, as long as public restrooms have doors on all the stalls, I really could not care less who is in the next stall. I can't see them; they can't see me. 

I'll be brutally honest here: I would really like a private bathroom all to myself, because I really don't want to be in there with anyone, regardless of gender. It's amazing to me that I ever made it through my children's toddler years, when they insisted that my potty breaks were their potty breaks. If someone else is in the room, I can sit there for ten minutes, unable to start a urine stream. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the gender of the other person in the room. I know there's a closed door between us, that no one can see me, that they wouldn't know me from Adam if they did see me, and they wouldn't care one way or another. 

That doesn't make it any easier for me to pee. I want to be alone.

But these are public restrooms. Public. More than one person in the room at one time. 

So, suck it up, Paula. When you gotta go, you gotta go. 

With all that on my mind, do you really think I'm going to take the time to check out the woman coming into the bathroom to make sure she really is a woman? Would I actually be able to tell? What on earth makes it possible to judge? 

I don't wear makeup. I rarely put on a dress, and the day I wear high heels it will be because I am dead and someone defied my orders for cremation, decided to bury me and dressed me up in a "totally inappropriate for me personally" way. 

I'm jeans and tees and tennis shoes. That doesn't make me a man, and I would deeply resent being stopped at the bathroom door based on my mode of dress. 

I have a friend who occasionally cross dresses. He is not gay and does not identify as a woman, but when he dresses up you would never, ever believe he is a man--until he needs to answer a call of nature and heads for the men's room. He would never dream of trying to go to the women's room, even though he turns heads when he struts into the bathroom he has identified as "his". 

Although he's never been challenged before, I'm worried about him now. Will the men beat him up? Will the women? I mean, he's a heterosexual man in the men's room. But...but...

See, he just needs to pee. That's all. 

Don't we all have the right to pee without getting beaten up?

(I can't believe I'm talking about peeing.)

A transgender friend of mine made the he-to-she switch years ago. She's a woman, a beautiful woman, and has always used the woman's restroom. Are they going to make her use the men's room now because she was born male? I've been in the same public restroom with her: she goes into the stall and shuts the door. Big deal. Just like all the other women in there. Imagine that!  

How the heck does this work? How is it fair? How is it enforced? 

It's ridiculous! 

Transgender people have not gone through all the hormone therapy, surgery, psychiatric care, etc. to end up being persecuted for needing to pee and wanting to do it in the restroom they identify as "theirs".  

These are people who have had a difficult time getting to where they are in their lives. They don't need the added difficulty of having to decide if their personal safety might be affected by their need to pee. 

I'm not unsympathetic to those who fear for the safety of their children or their wives. There are ways to ensure that they are fine while they pee without persecuting someone who has no intention of doing anything harmful. For one thing, if these laws become the norm, you can go in with them. 

If they want you to, that is. 

For the record, anyone worried about me? I appreciate it, but I'm going in alone. As hard as it is for me, it's easier with strangers behind closed doors than with someone I know outside my door and possibly hearing me pee. 

Ugh! 

I know, it's a wonder I lived through public school and road trips and work and motherhood... Hard running water and loud singing... 

I have a feeling I'm going to get slammed for this, but I just can't get worked up about this issue. I don't think it should be an issue. The only thing I know is that everybody poops, and nobody wants anybody else to know they poop, but we all have a right to poop without anyone else making a big deal about it. I don't want to get into a fight with anyone on my way to the bathroom, or witness anyone else having to fight their way into a bathroom when all they want to do is pee and go on with their day. 

I foresee the day when all public restrooms will be labeled "Public restroom". (Original, huh?)Toilets and urinals will be in stalls with doors, ensuring privacy for everyone. No one will be trying to peep at anyone else, because moms and dads will be in there, husbands and wives will be in there. It could actually make the public bathroom a safer place. 

(I'm gonna hear about it for that one. Yikes!)

How about we tackle pollution, global warming and deforestation instead? Those are real issues. Get out of the toilet, folks, and make a difference in something that matters. 

Now that I've gone out on a limb and stated an opinion that's likely to get me clobbered, bring on the hate! 

Until next time! 

(If no one kills me...)