August 13, 2016
7:34 p.m.

Oh man, there are days when all you want to do is go on a giant bitch-fest, and today is one of those days.

I can handle a lot, personally. I still haven't any idea what my medical problem is, just that I have one. I have too much month at the end of my money. I still need to level my house and get my roof fixed. But it's cool. None of those things make me want to kick my feet and scream or anything.

What does make me want to kick and scream is when bad things happen to my kids. I don't want bad things to happen to my kids. I want them to be happy and healthy and in a good place. Always. Forever. Amen.

I am pretty sure that I'm no different than any other mom. We would all rather suffer ourselves than see our children in any distress.

I feel so helpless right now. These are the times when I wish with all my heart that I had a car and money and POWER.

Kid number two is stranded in Kansas with a broken down car and three kids. Kid has had a horrible year--broken down cars, lost jobs, lost home. Now they're just trying to get here and start over. and BLAM! What the heck?!

And me? I can buy the occasional bag of diapers and send a buck or two, but basically--I am useless. It makes me so frustrated!

I want to be SuperMom and fix everything! Why can't I do that?

Honestly, it tests my faith.

I hate feeling this way, but sometimes I really wonder--why the tests? Why the trials? Especially since they seem to befall the people who are basically good and doing their best, while the evil just go on and on with their money and their power and nothing ever happens to them.

Okay, that's not a very nice thought, is it? I'm probably just asking for more trouble.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Tonight seems like a good night to NOT think.

So I'll stop for now. I'll read a book, and pray for my kids. And pray some more. Etc.

Maybe you could help me out with that.

Thank you.

Good night.