January 30, 2017
12:24 a.m.

Good morning!

(Hey, it's a.m. So, yeah.)

You know, I have had a most unpleasant evening, and it isn't totally my fault, but I suppose I could have ignored things. I have ignored things for years; turned away, let it slide, pretended it wasn't happening or wasn't said.

Once in awhile I just lose it. This past year I have lost it a lot. I don't know what's changed in me, except that I never feel well anymore. Maybe being ill has made me ultra-grumpy or something. Whatever it is, I seem to be less reluctant to call people out on their crap.

And I hate it.

I would love nothing more than to continue with my previous Pollyanna outlook on life. It's so much more pleasant. Everything is coming up roses, and the fertilizer doesn't stink. Lalalalala!

Oy, the fertilizer being spread lately, and all that's growing is weeds!!

I'm bummed.

Dissent, discontent, nothing but fights. I hate it, I tell you. I hate that I have recently taken part in it--not in an "I hate you and everything about you" way, thank goodness; but at least in a "What the hell are you doing and why?" kind of way.

I don't even want to be that involved in life and the world around me. I just want to stay in my own little world, reading and writing and coding and drawing and making jewelry and enjoying my own little family and friends.

That should be enough for anybody. Right?

It has always been enough, but now I am old and grumpy and I don't feel good and things hurt.

Honestly, I feel about as confused as I have ever been about the way things are going. This past week has by turns made me tearful, fearful and angry.

I don't know how else to put it besides Can't We All Just Get Along?

I don't know if there's a target on my back or not--I am a complete mish-mash of enthnicities. Do I cut off a leg and send it to Mexico? Shall I deliver an arm to Standing Rock? How about sending my left foot to the LDS church and my right one to the Catholic church? Which part of me goes to the Synagogue? If deported, do I get sent to Spain? Ireland? England? Scotland? Germany? France? Portugal? South America? Can I stay because I'm Native American?

I am made up of all of these; what is the real me? I feel connected to every single thing about me. Yet there are those who would divide me. And then what happens? I fall apart.

Do you suppose my blue eyes will cause the labelers to look away from me and move on to the next guy? Will I be left intact because of the way I look?

Will you?

My kids have a Mexican father; he is a US citizen, but my children look Mexican, and they have relatives in Mexico and relatives here in the USA--and who gets to climb the wall when we all want to see each other? Oh, wait, no, don't do that--someone will probably shoot you! Because walls.

They were all born in Wyoming, and have their birth certificates and American IDs, but there is every expectation at this point that my beloved children will be in the cross hairs because of their heritage. Assumptions can and likely will be made. Families could literally be divided by skin tone.

Don't even try to tell me there's no reason to be concerned about this. Look what happened yesterday: American citizens of color were delayed in airports and not allowed to travel back to their homes in the United States, detained for hours in airports all over the world. A ban was put in place; it was pushed through quickly and forcefully with no real thought to the consequences. Yes, it targeted Muslims, but I can almost guarantee that by day's end many other darker-skinned people of many ethnicities were stopped and questioned.

In the broader scheme of things, white people are not the majority. Not in this country nor in many others. It can't have been a pretty picture, traveling today.

Add to that the vast crowds of protesters, and I can imagine that airport employees the world over are cursing the USA right now for all the increased work loads. They must be exhausted.

You can posit that we will be safer with bans and walls, but I find that ridiculous. Disparity has never been part of PEACE.

I'm going to quote the Bible. Yes, I am. Here goes:

Mark 3: 24-25 "If a kingdom is divided against itself, it cannot stand. If a house is divided against itself, it cannot stand."

The US has divided itself against itself. If we do not work together to heal this division, we will crumble. Whether or not you believe in biblical teachings, this holds true. Cut out any part of the whole, and it all comes crashing down.

So, yeah. I have to ask it: What the hell are we doing, and why are we doing it?

I have to involve myself in it, because it's my house, too. The roof is caving in. The walls are leaning at crazy angles. The rain and snow and wind of dissent are eroding the foundations.

If you are truly a Christian, it's time to call the Carpenter.

Even if you're not--if you're Muslim or Jewish, Agnostic or Athiest and any or everyone else I may have left out due to my ignorance and lack of sleep--you are still a member of the household, and therefore we all need your hammers and nails, your two-by-fours and your concrete blocks, your adobe and your thatch.

We cannot be divided, or this house of ours falls down. FALLS RIGHT DOWN.

So get it together.

Now, I am tired.

So, morning or not--Good night.