February 26, 2014
11:25 a.m.

Phone interview completed. I don't know how to feel about it. I think it went well enough, but what do I know?

So...

Part One: Test    My scores, according to company, were very good. Check.
     
Part Two: Phone Interview    Lots of questions about my past employment. What did I do, how much was I paid, why did I leave? What did I love about my jobs, what did I not love? What are my strengths and weaknesses? What are my ideal work hours? What's my perfect work day? How much do I expect to be paid?

(I hate that question. How do I know what they consider a fair wage? How do I even know what I consider a fair wage? Should I just double minimum wage and add a dollar? Add five dollars? What's the protocol?)

(As for ideal work hours, if I had my way, I'd work nine to five--as in nine p.m. to 5 a.m. But that's not likely to happen! Ha ha! I am more than willing to work any hours.)

I was asked if the commute was a problem for me and I emphatically replied, "Not at all." It's a long commute, but not at all hard. Only one bus transfer, practically drops me off at their doorstep. Awesome.

I did mention that I had often asked myself why I hadn't continued as a coder a long time ago.

Anyway, there's still a step three. A team reviews what information they now have and decided if they want me to come in for a face to face interview. I should hear something in about a week.

Wow. Whew. Hurry up and wait. Check.

Did I mention that my hopes are up? How dumb am I?

You know, I hate talking about my disability status. It has to come up at some point in an interview process, but it's a sore point with me. (What have I been doing for the last four years? Oh, nothing, just hanging around.)

You say you left your last job in 2010. Have you been actively seeking employment since then? Actually, I'm on Social Security Disability. I was very sick. After I was well enough, I pursued my certification.

Dang. It makes me sound weak. It makes me feel weak.

I've been up front about it, and today I did say that I hoped that it wouldn't be counted against me. I was assured that it would not, as long as I was able to perform the duties of the job, which I can. Prolonged sitting and computer use, light lifting. Yep, I can totally do that.

Please don't interpret the above as me saying that being disabled is a weakness, or that I think disabled people are weak. Certainly, that is not the case. I am only talking about how I feel. I feel like my body let me down.

Being as sick as I was, and now being unable to return to a profession that I loved has made me feel vulnerable in ways that I cannot adequately explain, not even to myself. How can I explain the trepidation I feel when confronted with places with mold infestations? You can't see those things, generally speaking, but my body responds to those places quickly and unpleasantly. I will never again be able to set foot in a nail salon. I steam clean and hot water scrub because Pine-Sol has the power to put me in the hospital.

Once upon a time I continued working in a Paula-hostile environment long beyond what I should have, because I'm a strong person, damn it, and this was not going to beat me! Well, not only did it beat me, it left me unable to recover completely. But as long as I can be in a Paula-friendly environment, I know that I can be employable once again. Whatever disabilities I have are part of my package now, but I can work with them rather than letting them work against me.

Well, all I can do is wait and hope, so that's what I'll be doing.

Have a great day. Until we meet again...