February 7, 2014
1:53 a.m.

I have to go to the doctor this afternoon. Ugh! I hate going to the doctor. Every time I go, I'm told something else is wrong with me.

I'm going to see if my hip can be checked out, though. Might as well make sure everything is where it's supposed to be.

I also want to make sure that the virus I had recently is totally gone. There are some twins I would love to go see, but I won't do it if I'm still sick. Babies must not get sick.

Anyway, I have an appointment and I still haven't gone to bed. I would rather sit up and watch re-runs of "Roseanne" tonight, I guess!

Back in the day, when "Roseanne" was actually on prime time, I never watched it. I'm not even sure we had cable at that time. Probably not. T.V was not high on my priority list back then. It was well over 20 years ago, and whenever I catch a rerun now, it still seems timely to me. Goofy families never go out of style, I guess. Haha!

My friend posted on Facebook that silver hair + being over 50 = frustrating job search. This reminded me that it was time to dye my hair again. Well, this and my son taking my picture and telling me that all the poses showed off my silver roots to poor advantage. So, as of this afternoon, no silver roots. That won't last long. My hair is getting thinner these days, which makes me want to cry, but it still grows out pretty fast.

Frankly, I doubt if dying my hair is going to help with the job hunt, though. It's like no matter how cleverly you write up your resume, once you get to job history, anyone with basic math skills can figure out how old you are. And being over 50 makes it rough to find a job, because employers are thinking: "Well, we might get ten years out of this person at best."

That's not a great place to start.

I have the added disadvantage of being disabled, and of having been out of the work force for over three years. "Old, disabled unemployed woman seeking work"--Yeah, that's what everyone is looking for.

It bums me out.

I need to write a new cover letter, too, and for me that seems to be much harder than writing the resume. I don't know why, but it's as awkward for me as walking up to strangers and introducing myself. More awkward, actually. In that situation you can at least see who you're talking to. Cover letters are addressed to "anonymous", and how can you judge what sort of first impression you're making when you have no idea who you're trying to impress?

Hmmm. No wonder I'm not sleeping. This has really been weighing on my mind. I would really like to have a chance to get back out there, even if it does turn out to be only for ten years or so. I don't feel too old or too disabled to sit at a desk coding medical reports all day. I just hope someone will give me a chance to try.

Anyway, it's almost 3:00 a.m. I guess I will at least go lay down and read for awhile. Maybe I'll get lucky and sleep for awhile.

My appointment is in the afternoon, so I have a fighting chance!

Good night!