10:40 p.m.
Today I am going to pass on a bit a wisdom for the ages: You will be disappointed.
Your favorite t.v. show will disappoint you. Your favorite actors will disappoint you.
Religion and politics will disappoint you.
Businesses will disappoint you.
Your childhood crush will disappoint you.
Friends will disappoint you. Enemies will disappoint you. Total strangers will disappoint you.
Even your children will disappoint you.
No--especially your children will disappoint you.
But you know what? All those who have disappointed you have probably been disappointed by you, too.
Okay, subjectively, I'm wrong; not everyone you've been disappointed by has been disappointed by you. The actor didn't know you hated that movie. That guy doesn't know--not for certain (hopefully)--that you didn't vote for him. No one on the t.v. show can come over and blame you for the cancellation. The homeless guy you gave only a quarter to can't possibly know that you had a fifty dollar bill stashed in your sock.
Nonetheless, you have been a disappointment to someone; we all have.
There is no one among us who has been such a pillar of perfection that not one person in our lives will never say "that incident you were involved in disappointed me."
Said incident may have been as little as an argument with a sibling, or as big as an arrest for shoplifting. Maybe you called your grandma "fat" or broke the neighbor's window playing baseball and ran away instead of confessing and apologizing.
(No, I didn't do those things; I have my own list, and it is not a short one. I know perfectly well that I have been a disappointment to my parents, my siblings, my children, strangers. Ugh. I've also been a disappointment to myself on more that one occasion. [Like hundreds or thousands!])
Disappointment happens when something--or someone--fails to meet expectations.
Did you ever wake up on Christmas morning filled with excitement and anticipation? Santa should have made his annual visit, and left you the item you most desired. You'd written your letter, mailed it, prayed about it--but told no one. It was a secret between you and Santa. You just knew he'd never let you down; he was freaking Santa Claus!
There was plenty of excitement and there were plenty of gifts, but with each present you unwrapped, your disappointment grew. Where was it? How could Santa fail you like this?
Your parents weren't blind; they could see your bewilderment. They couldn't be blamed; you didn't tell them what you wanted. But seeing your disappointment, they blamed themselves. What did they leave out? How did they miss knowing?
Maybe, they suggested helplessly, your letter got lost in the mail. What was it that you wanted so much, anyway?
Oh, the bitterness of disappointment! It doesn't matter what the desired gift was; it wasn't there!
(FYI--it was a particular book, Those who know me are not surprised)
Now, as a grown up and a parent myself, I cannot even imagine my parents' own disappointment, but I know they felt it, because I know how I would have felt if it had been my sad child.
You may rest assured that at a future date, I got the book. I have no idea how they even found it, now that I know how hard that series is to find even today, in the wonderful world of the internet, but they got it for me. And a couple of others as well. God bless them.
The best part of this story isn't that I got the books, though, It's that I got the first one for my birthday a few months after that Chrisrmas, and the next Christmas I got two more, all clearly marked "From Mom and Dad". My Santa gift was something else entirely, God knows what. And I bought the "lost mail" story, because I wanted to believe, and I continued to want to believe for a couple more years. But I never anticipated another gift again, not with the complete faith in Santa that little children have. I'd been let down; that ship had sailed.
Clearly there was never any intent to disappoint; I got some really great gifts. I'd just placed my faith in something so strongly that I didn't even think to tell anyone real about my desires.
I'll tell you one thing, though. I hated it when my little sister started losing faith and claiming not to believe, because I still wanted to cling to the myth awhile longer. I was much more disappointed than she was when our parents finally told us the truth--not because I still truly believed, but because I truly wanted to.
I think that's true in a lot of cases where we end up disappointed--or disappointing. No one has clearly communicated their expectations.
I hope; I pray; I believe; everything I want and need will just happen as long as I do these three things.
If you love me you'll just know; I shouldn't have to tell you; read my mind.
It happens in friendships, it happens in love affairs, it happens in marriages. It happens with your parents and your children.
"You should have known," we say, or "He should have understood," or "If only I had said this, or done that."
It all comes down to expectations and disappointments.
If you are a sentient being with feelings, you know what I mean. You don't even have to be human! If I say the word "walk", the dogs will immediately be at my feet, staring up at me expectantly. I may have been talking about how my new shoes are making it hard for me to walk, but they just heard and understood "walk", and if I don't follow through, they are clearly disappointed.
(See, I even disappoint the pets!)
I have a point.
We all have to deal with disappointment. Whether we're feeling it or causing it, we have to deal with it. It's part of life.
I'm certain I disappointed my parents a lot; they wanted so much for me. They expected that I would go to college after graduating High School. I was going to be somebody, make a success of myself.
I didn't go to college after High School; I got married and had a bunch of kids.
My parents still loved me.
The marriage fell apart; disappointments galore! But I don't regret it; I have those beautiful children, and all the grandchildren they've given me.
And my parents still love me.
And you know what? I did go to college, and I am somebody, and I have succeeded in things--not all the things I thought I'd succeed in, but still...successes.
Even so, I have disappointed myself over and over: failed marriage, failed tests, bad decisions, you name it.
And there's nothing worse than hearing "I'm very disappointed in you." Honestly, it's worse than knowing you made someone angry, because they're going to get over that. Disappointment is harder to get over. You'll note that I remember my disappointment in Santa Claus, but I really don't remember what I last lost my temper over.
This is not to say that my disappointments in certain things have not made me angry; they have. Still, I'm more likely to say, "I'm so disappointed in you," than "You make me so mad," because frankly, I know it has a bigger impact.
Whoever it is I've said it to, they probably know it's something that will bother me for awhile. They know that if I'm just pissed off, it'll be "out of sight, out of mind" rather quickly. I don't often get angry, and those who know me know that. But I am as capable of being disappointed as anyone, and that's where things get rough.
However--just because I say to you, a person in my life whom I love: "I'm very disappointed in you," it will never, ever mean that I no longer love you. It means that I expect better things from you in the future and that I have faith in you that you are capable of delivering. I still love you.
If you are my friend and you disappoint me, you will still be my friend. I'm not unreasonable; I don't expect any person to be perfect, because I know that I'm certainly not perfect myself.
I also know that in the future we will disappoint each other again, because that's life.
We don't give up on each other just because of disappointments. Life goes on.
Get over it. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start all over again. Life never goes they way we plan, so get used to it.
You will be disappointed many times throughout your lifetime, but each disappointment is an opportunity for improvement.
My thoughts for now. Good night. Have yourself some not-at-all-disappointing dreams.
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