October 17, 2016
3:34 p.m.

Today I shared something on someone else's timeline on Facebook because she shared a story--see it here: http://www.scarymommy.com/amber-tamblyn-shares-story-of-sexual-abuse/?utm_medium=partner&utm_source=upworthy-- and got a lot of negative comments from people for it. I found the comments offensive and somewhat ridiculous, so I kind of over-shared. 

For those who want to know anything about why or how I know what I'm talking about--too bad. But I do know. 

Many of you probably know, too. Many of you probably feel no obligation to explain why and how you know. I respect that. 

My main reason for sharing this much is because I was very upset to hear Donald Trump speaking so flippantly about his taped remarks regarding grabbing women, and his clearly obvious belief that he was entitled to be able to do so. He's rich, he's famous, he can "do anything". 

Sickening.

Too many men already think that they are entitled to do what they want with women; we don't need someone out there claiming that "locker room talk" is in any way acceptable. We don't need anyone out there justifying the behavior or the mind set that creates it. 

I'm appalled to realize that even women are defending it and belittling the feelings of victims who have finally swallowed their fear and come forward to tell their stories. 

Here's what I said:

"Survivors of sexual abuse and/or assault often NEVER speak up, because society as a whole has made it clear that she will be furthur abused by their disbelief--the burden of proof is on her--by their flippancy--she'll "get over it"--by their blame--What were you wearing? What did you say to him? Why were you there?-- Most cases of rape go unreported, because we've been shown time and again that we will be the ones on trial in the end, instead of the attacker. The way Trump spoke is not "just words". Those are weapons to anyone who has suffered at the hands of someone who has belittled and disrespected a person's right to say no. Your choice of clothing, your choice to attend a party, your choice to say "yes" to a dance or a drink does not equal a "yes" to sex, or to being mauled or to being called names and treated like a thing rather than a human being. And no, you never "get over it". It may lay dormant, but someone's "just words" can certainly trigger those memories. And no matter how much time has passed, those memories still hurt. And I include ANYONE who has been sexually abused in any way: women, children, and men. It can--and does--happen to anyone, and people who are lucky enough to have never fallen victim to an abuser can never understand the humiliation and shame. Part of the abuse is the abusers' ability to make the abused believe that they are the ones at fault for the behavior of the abuser." 


It must be wonderful not to understand the pain, the fear, the humiliation, the shame and the anger that results from being the victim of an entitled, manipulative--and sometimes charming and charismatic and persuasive--person. Someone who tells you that, in the end, it's your own fault. That bad things will happen if you tell. That no one will ever believe you. 

What's not wonderful is becoming part of the whole problem by refusing to believe that it is a problem. That "just words" cannot hurt anyone. Aren't you the same people who raise a stink when your child gets called names on the playground? Aren't you the same people who go bat-shit crazy over fat-shaming? How can you say they're "just words" in this case and then get all high and mighty about bullying? Where do you draw your line?

Just for the record: this is not about the election or politics in general. This is about basic human decency. Donald Trump has--by his own words and lack of humility--put his face on this issue, but he's just one person. This is MUCH bigger than he is. People need to wake up to the fact that society has victimized the victims for long enough. If you're a victim of sexual aggression, abuse or assault, you should not be further victimized by the law, by public opinion, etc. 

Okay, I'm done. For now. 

See ya!